Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Mad Men Problem

I get it. Mad Men is a wonderful program. Draper, Campbell and crew have really outdone themselves. Peggy represents all working women. Sterling is as charming as a cheating SOB can be and Cooper is everyone's favorite super rich weirdo.

Here's the issue: Mad Men is interfering with my enjoyment of other shows.
This is not an issue of "I just can't watch the Jersey Shore any more because it just doesn't stack up against Mad Men." I think it's clear that The Shore and Mad Men are two entirely different animals. If Mad Men is a graceful swan, then The Shore is a disgusting pig that gets shit-faced every night and probably has a couple diseases that it tries to keep under wraps. But there's a time for swans and a time for diseased pigs ... as far as TV shows go.
The issue is that most of my favorite podcasts can't stop f'ing talking about Mad Men. I'm talking to you, Nerdist, Daves of Thunder, Bill Simmons and even Kevin & Bean from time to time. I've skipped near entire podcast episodes from Simmons and I've outright stopped listening to Daves of Thunder due to the never-ending Mad Men "spoiler alerts." Is the show so good that these entertainers can't bother to come up with their own material for the 'casts? I'd like to listen to your shows ... but I can't because you won't shut up with the spoiler alerts.
I'd like to enjoy the show I'm enjoying ... while I'm actually enjoying THAT show. Not some other show. This doesn't seem like a ridiculous request to me.
I don't know who to blame so I'm blaming everyone. Suck it, Mad Men. And suck it, all you entertainers that have to leech off Mad Men's popularity.

No One Doesn't Love To Have Fun

Another phrase we can all agree to stop saying: "He just loves to have fun." This is a phrase I've often heard people use to describe others and it drives me crazy. At the end of the day (winky frowny face), this may be the most redundant sentence ever. I can actually use science to prove this. Enter proof by contradiction.
Let's imagine for a second that someone hates having fun. In such a case, they would seek out activities that most of us consider not fun: root canals, filing taxes, watching The Tyra Banks Show. So our subject wakes up one day, picks out his desired activities and then jumps into the dentist chair, flips Tyra on the tube and goes to town. In doing so, he's doing what he wants to do and enjoying himself. Ergo, having fun. Unless someone is doing something someone else has forced them to do at all times, they have to choose something to do ... and no one's going to choose something to do that they hate ... and in the process you'll be having fun.
I think we can now officially strike "likes to have fun" from our collective lexicon. It's science.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Bachelorette Musings: Ali and Roberto Chris Drama - The Finale

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Somehow I've done it. I've gone an entire week without knowing what happens on the finale. And I heard this shiz had 12 million viewers? Is that for real? People are actually watching this show to find out what happens and not just laugh at Roberto's out of control sweating? Huh. Who knew.
  • So far so good. I have nothing to say after Roberto's entire montage.
  • And the same for Chris' montage. It's gonna be a long night. Or a short night. Depending on how you look at it.
  • I guess I can't complain about the ab / chest focused establishing shots of Ali in her multiple bikinis.
  • Well if anything, the room that Ali's family got should have them buttered up at least a little bit. Holy shit.
  • Ali doesn't know the name of the Tampa Bay MLB team? "The Tampa Blue Rays?"
  • Wait a minute. Ali and Raya are related? Has the adoption question been asked by one of them.
  • Okay. Ali's mom speaking speaking Spanish ... How do you say "I am cringing" in Spanish?
  • When you ask for dad's blessing, what you're really hoping to hear is "I don't have a problem with that." That's pretty much the ideal non-negative but certainly not overly positive result.
  • In case you've forgotten, Roberto can salsa dance. He can also play baseball, speak Spanish and sweat profusely. That much we know for sure.
  • Onto Chris' date ... a little bit breezier, but Dad's poker face remains strong. Looking forward to his response to Chris' question. Will he downgrade to "That wouldn't be the worst thing in the world" or possibly upgrade to "I would not hate it if you married my daughter."
  • Ali looks a lot like her mom. A lot.
  • Apparently the idea of french toast for dinner is drop dead hilarious in the Ali househould. Really way too much laughing at that concept.
  • So Ali's brother ... or brother in law? I can't tell cuz I don't think he's said a word yet.
  • Also I really hope that 85% of their conversations revolve around the room they have. They are actually staying in this room. That crap is crazy!
  • Quote of the night from Ali's dad so far: "It is huge." No context needed.
  • EXACT same response for Chris: "I would have no problem with that." Ali's dad = poker face.
  • You know what's more fun than salsa dancing? Swimming off the end of the crazy room they have. Advantage Chris.
  • Time for some straight talk from Poker Face. Advantage Roberto. Hands down according to Dad. Wild.
  • And Raya straight talks entirely in favor of Chris. Looks like it's gonna be a grudge match all the way to the end. Or at least that's what the producers would like you to think. One or the other.
  • Ali just said this and I've always had an issue with anyone who says "likes to have fun." Is there anything that needs to be said less? Are there people out there that DON'T like having fun? Assuming you're into not having fun, wouldn't you then like that and in essence be having fun? Logically speaking, I think not liking to have fun is literally impossible. Oh and Ali and Roberto hung out with sting rays.
  • The Roberto night time date hasn't even started and he is sweating like mad. Are there no fans at this Hilton?
  • I got you a present. Looks like it's a picture in a frame at first, but it's actually got a second use.
  • Well at the end of the Roberto date, it's hard to say anything other than "Advantage Roberto."
  • The Chris date is starting and I have to ask ... is something happening right now? What's with the sit down, Ali?
  • Oh boy, Ali's at a loss for words. Not good, Chris. Not good.
  • This is the most high profile "we're better off as friends" speech ever. Brutal.
  • Could she at least mope or cry? She cried her eyes out with Frank and now nothing for Chris? Pretty weak sauce there, Ali.
  • I guess props to Ali ... sorta. At least Chris doesn't have to get on one knee and then get pulled up by his hands. That's always the worst.
  • So now the real grudge match begins. Chris vs. Kirk vs. Craig R for the next Bachelor.
  • Little double rainbow all the way for Chris. Now he feels better. Good. I like Chris.
  • One advantage to this change in format: no ring choosing montage. Cuz that's not total BS every time.
  • Didn't Roberto get the first impression rose? And now he's got it all wrapped up? What are the chances?
  • Son of B! Spoke too soon. Stupid ring montage begins now.
  • Did that mother f'er finally tighten his tie!? F you, Roberto. What are the odds he tightens his tie at the wedding? Answer: slim cuz the wedding likely won't happen. It's just a matter of odds, people. The winners bracket: Trista and Ryan. The losers bracket: every other Bachelor/Bachelorette couple ever. Good luck, Ali and Roberto.
  • They really shouldn't have made Roberto travel so far after getting dressed up. He spent most of the walk up the stairs wiping sweat from his brow.
  • Wow he is really really sweating ... a lot. Brow sweat has moved onto lip sweat. Honestly how hot can it be? It looks like there's cloud cover.
  • Nice job with the product spot on the ring box there, Neil Lane.
  • Music montage courtesy of the Lion King soundtrack? I miss "On The Wings Of Love" immediately.
  • Well it's all down hill from here. I doubt you can afford The Hilton Bora Bora on a minor league baseball salary. Congratulations to the happy couple ... for at least the next 4 months or so!
Well it's been real. It's been fun. It hasn't been real fun. Another finale that doesn't outdo the Big Swayze finale. But things are looking up. Bachelor Pad tomorrow, yow!!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

The Bachelorette Musings: Ali and Man Drama Tellin' All

Big night here for the blog. We got Dave and Lubs on board for the double feature starting with the guys tell everything they've ever had to tell in their lives about this show and everything else. Or ... The Men Tell All.
  • Let's start with a crazy loud song that kinda reminded me of The Shout Out Louds
  • Dude in the audience count: 0 so far.
  • Ali starts the night off with a black sparkly dress. Silver sparkly dress yet to come.
  • How did I forget about Bubble's line: "It's just my heart ... jump in. Stay a while."
  • This interview is actually kind of redeeming for Ali. She actually seems like she had a decent handle on what was going on during the season. I like that she kept Bubble along as long as she did all the while kinda knowing he was crazy.
  • Blooper reel! Roberto nearly blinds Ali when he pops his cork ... yowza.
  • Is Ali wearing a giant watch ... or just some sort of bracelet that looks like a watch?
  • Fair to say that the range of Ali's jokes when it comes to astronauts begins and ends with ... Houston, come in.
  • Chris H had his own internal nickname? And it was Phantom? No wonder we never ever saw him speak. Come to think of it, is he even eligible for this show seeing as how he can't talk?
  • Derrick, 2 questions. 1) Who are you? and 2) pew pew pew pew pew right back at you, dude.
  • I like that Harrison openly pretty much just said "Frank's not here, but we're gonna talk all kinds of shit about him anyone."
  • Weatherman, the leather jacket ... not working, man.
  • If I was Harrison, I'd prefer to be surrounded by about 18 more candles than are already there.
  • All this "let me finish" talk during their confrontation of The Weatherman is giving me wonderful flashbacks to Jake and Vienna's swan song. I'd mail The Weatherman $100 right now if he said "again with the interruption ..."
  • Okay, I skipped it the first time, but I can't let it go twice. Phantom has said the phrase "self promote himself" multiple times now. Does his newness to talking make him not understand that there's no one else you can self promote other than yourself?
  • The dudes are sticking up for Frank? Break up or no break up, I stand by the idea that Frank sucks.
  • The "guard and protect your heart" count or the GAPYHC on this episode alone is already well past double digits.
  • Bubble's singing makes me physically have to turn away from the television. I literally cannot watch it.
  • Ali's dismissal of Bubble might be my favorite vote off ever. The sigh and "I'm gonna give Justin the rose" ... it just says so much. It wasn't "Justin, will you accept this rose?" It was "Bubble, I can no longer handle your crazy and I have no choice but to give this rose to the other dude."
  • Oh! I spotted a due in the audience. I think he's accompanying his daughter. He's wearing a sweater vest.
  • Kirk, thank you. Thank you for not liking Frank. We should start a club or something.
  • Most disinterested person on the entire set: the wilderness guy from the first episode that did the fishing thing who has got absolutely zero play tonight.
  • Well hey, Jessie. Why do I have no recollection of you from your original season? And what is this "social networking" site you're on?
  • Wow, Craig R loves that Rated Inj has no car. Loves it.
  • Audience dude #2 sited. He also appears to be quite old and probably being dragged along to this event.
  • 3rd audience dude sited and he is f'ing PUMPED about Ali coming up after the break. I hope he had to answer for that at work the next week.
  • Yay, Ali's here and she's super sparkly yet again. Woo ... pee.
  • Her hair looks like a bird's nest.
  • Didn't Bubble say he's not a singer. I am again forced to physically look away from the television.
  • Bloops! Wow, these guys weren't all drama all day after all. Except for the jokes about the barking dogs. Those were not funny at all.
  • Dave, Lubs and I just spent the majority of the Roberto/Chris montage discussing the possibilities of how/if/when/whether Ali's had relations with these dudes. This element of the final 3 or 4 weeks HAS to play in more to the big picture of the actual relationships that these pairs are forming than ABC lets them talk about, right? I mean the thought of the other dude has to pop into the other dude's mind at some point during those dates, right?
  • Bachelor Pad. Seriously. Seriously. Initial thoughts: Tenley is not cut out for this show. What's her name does NOT look better as a blonde. And I haven't heard Gia's horrible laugh yet so I've again been tricked into being attracted to her.
Somehow the finale still hasn't been spoiled for me so we'll see you for the finale live blog shortly. From the real bachelor pad ... out.