Tuesday, November 17, 2009

This just in! Check back later.

I weep for the state of sports journalism. Have a look at this article. In case you're click-shy, here are some key quotes regarding Charlie Weis' employment status as the Notre Dame head football coach:

"Charlie Weis is ... saying he doesn't think a decision about his future has been made"

"I don't think that any decision's been made."

"[S]peculation about his future has been the top story in South Bend."

"I don't know."

Sooooo basically ... you've got nothing, right? The story is that ... there might be a story later, but not today. Hey look over here ... and remember to check back again when there's actually news.

This type of "news" isn't the first sports "story" like this even in 2009. The Favre will he/won't he debacle is now becoming a yearly tradition and it features similar non-stories like this one. I remember an actual ESPN ticker in August that said "Favre says he doesn't know if he's going to return to the NFL."

This is what the information age has given us as news: "I don't know." How about we make this deal, sports media? We'll go ahead and assume that no decisions have been made about anything and that speculation is running rampant about all possible stories ever ... until you tell us otherwise. Then, when you have actual news that goes one way or another, you let us know. Here are some examples that you might use to get you started.
  • Charlie Weis is fired.
  • Charlie Weis got a contract extension.
  • Brett Favre won a football match.
  • Brett Favre spent 3 hours this last Sunday gun slinging and loving the game of football.
  • Wranglers!
Any of the above would be better than "Charlie Weis: we have no friggin' clue about his status."

But just in case the Worldwide Leader is reading this, I've got some story ideas that I've been working on.

The Colts may or may not win the Superbowl this year. Find out for sure on 2/7/10.

LeBron James is going to determine who he'll play for in 2010 at some point! It could be one of 30-odd teams!

USA to compete in the World Cup. No idea if they'll win or not. Only time will tell.

Manu Ginobli remains a d-bag.

Oh wait, that last one is actually true, but you get the idea.

Hey ESPN, feel free to send my free lance check to the usual place.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

John Mayer - Go ahead and judge by the cover

First things first: I'm a hypocrite. I'm a turncoat. I'm a traitor. There have been many years (possibly including this one) where the term fanboy could easily be applied to my affinity for John Mayer. Cases in point:
With all that said, let's cut to the chase and discuss Mayer's upcoming album cover for Battle Studies. What the hell, John.

John Mayer - Battle Studies

If this doesn't strike you as odd, let's look at it another way.

  • On the left, a guitar virtuoso just out of school (maybe still in school) and not quite sure what to do about this whole album cover thing.
  • On the right ... I mean, the over/under on the photo shoot to come up with the above is what - 9.5 hours. 15-20 costume changes, 8 stylists on John's hair.
  • On the left, "So, uh, do I look AT the camera ... what do I do with my hands? Oh. Oh that was it? You just took the shot just now. Oh. Cool."
  • On the right, "I'm thinking I make it look like I just pulled off this hoodie ... or no, like I'm about to put on the hoodie ... no, both at the same time! Yeah, and I'm gonna look off in the distance as though I just cured cancer with a guitar riff while tweeting a novel 140 chars at a time that leads to world peace."
  • On the left, a dude that can really play the guitar.
  • On the right ... I can't think of anything better than d-bag.
Ever wonder how someone makes the progression from normal dude to ridiculously self important musician? Just look to the album covers.

It's like the evolution of the d-bag.

The poses even line up like he's rising to the occasion.

As Ando said, it might be time to take a step back, John.

PS See ya on New Years Eve. I'll be the one gazing at you from the general admission section wearing a hoodie.