Monday, January 12, 2009

The Bachelor Diaries - The Jason Edition - Episode 2

Okay, we're back. It's episode 2 which is where Jason really starts to get to understand how many bad decisions he made. Were there any girls that Jason really shouldn't have gotten rid of? Did he judge some of his 25 possible mates too quickly? Is someone watching Ty?

Who cares!? No time to dilly dally. Episode 2. Go. Now.
  • The recap of the recap features Jason scrubbing down his biceps in the shower. Should I admit to not doing this? Is this an understood staple of shower hygiene? How dirty can one's biceps get that they need specific scrubbing time.
  • Also, I think Ty just winked. Kid's got skills. Or a nervous tick. One or the other. Yeah yeah, I know. I've just been formally invited to 13 Beelzebub Place, Hellburg, Hell, 66666.
  • I'll steal a bit from Adam Carolla when I ask about the vision board ... why do you have to cut the words out of magazines? If you write out the words in your own fancy font, is the board null and void? Is this some strange ploy for Oprah to sell more copies of her magazines?
  • Apparently later ... brace yourselves, people. The claws are gonna come out. Say it ain't so, Harrison!
  • Speaking of Harrison, the dude is rocking a blog that puts mine to shame. Seriously, you must read this.
  • So after the ladies check out the house (and Nervous Texas tries out the bath tub with no water and full clothes), Chris asks "So what did you think of the house?" ... Ladies: "ye-wow-woo-gre-beau-awe-wee-oooo". "Is it gonna work out for ya?" ... "sur-ye-uh-defi-blur-you-dammit-big-time-jlar-yep." I'm pretty sure that's an exact quote.
  • Step 1: hot dog topping test. Step 2: chicken fight in the pool. Step 3: marriage. Just try to deny that logic. It's like ready, set, go. Or uno, dos, tres. Or 29-year-old male, dating reality show, running diary blog.
  • Ok, the default rose girl ... she needs to relax. You got your rose. The girls are threatened by you. Move on.
  • Unnamed blonde girl quizzed Jason on the 3 branches of government? This is what constitutes stimulating conversation? Hey Jason, ready to get crazy? What's the capital of Vermont? No wait. Let's notch it up. A squared + B squared equals what? OMG, we are off the chain, right? This is B-A-N-A-N-A-S bananas! Quizzes!
  • So you girls actually use the hold-the-article-of-clothing-up-against-your-body as an actual way to determine the level of flattery of said article of clothing? What can that possibly accomplish?
  • I'll give it up for Robin Thicke's band. They are feeling it considering they're performing for a raging audience of ... two. People. Two people. Seriously, though, as an audience member what do I do when I represent half of the entire audience? Do I make eye contact with the band members? Do I not? Do I bob my head? Do I need to make sure I split time looking at each band member?
  • I'll say again. Wow, Robin Thicke. You are perFORming for 2 people like no one ever has.
  • Wait. Default pissed off rose girl is a LaCrosse Coach? Is there a profession that could tell someone less about what to expect from someone's personality? Perfume developer? Wig shop owner? Marine Biologist?
  • So, when the Goodyear blimp appears on the Bachelor and becomes the most complicated and expensive magic 8-ball ever, who's paying who? Does Goodyear pay the Bachelor for the exposure? Or does ABC pay Goodyear to stoop to such a low? Or is this some sort of shot across the bow of the Firestone clan?
  • Hey Jason, Seacrest is gonna be pissed when he sees you wearing his t-shirt/vest comboooooooooo. All 4 feet 8 inches of him is gonna go into a little miniature rage all over you. (Oh, c'mon, everbody's doing it. Try it. It's fun.)
  • I'll say this for Nikki, the girl who is coming off an 11-year relationship and has only kissed that dude since she was 17 ... if she takes kissing as seriously as she says ... well, Jason takes kissing ... jokingly ... [cough]-he'skissingeveryone-[cough]-ahem!
  • P.S. I just blew my own mind when I realized I'm the same age as Nikki. Is that how I'm supposed to act as a 29-year-old?
  • Okay, the girl that chatted with Jason after the widower ... the girl who decided to go home to be with her family ... I've never seen that girl before. I'm serious. Who are you?
Woops, my DVR thought that the 8:30-9 block was "Samantha Who?" I'll have to finish this off when they post it online tomorrow. Until then ... kisses are serious business, people. I'm 29. I should know.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're back. I believe I signed off just as the cat claws were being extended ...
  • As far as drama goes, this was pretty weak. I did enjoy that what's-her-face declared that she wanted clarification because she "deserved it." Talk about stating the obvious, Megan. You're entitled. You're entitled to ... clarification. Don't you let anyone keep it from you, girl!
  • Jason just used the word "alluded". I'm pretty confident in saying this is a Bachelor/Bachelorette first.
  • Who was the one girl that actually responded to Harrison's "good evening"?
  • Ugh! Megan gets a rose and sorta keeps up the tradition with "stop it right now". I really would have preferred "burn in hell, fatties!" Another week of her projecting general malaise at everyone. Great.
  • I don't think the widower has moved her head yet -- oh wait, she got a rose and then showed us every tendon she has in her neck.
  • In terms of presenting himself to America, Jason seems to be doing a good job of picking all the young cuties while peppering in some single moms and other good "stories". Right? While we're here, I think Ando makes a point that kissing 4 girls in one episode may be a record ... especially this early.
  • Oh. The job quitter bites the dust. That's gotta sting. Hopefully unemployment covers the flight home. Try this on your next job interview: "I quite the Bachelor to come to this interview!"
Next week. Shocker! Default Rose is still pissed. At everyone. Great. Plus, what's that running down the beach? It's your kid, widower! Just the drama I'm looking for in an online dating reality show.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Prelude to a Marathon

Warning: this post is entirely self indulgent.  There's a 98% chance this will only be interesting to me.
So I have my 4th marathon coming up in a week - The Phoenix Rock 'n' Roll Marathon.  Most of last year's training was done in Peru.  This meant my lungs got a great work out, but the number of long distance runs I could do was lacking.
This year's training has been hampered by ... well, general laziness.  I haven't done one run prior to 9am in order to avoid the cold (i.e. no week day runs) and I've been working a lot (60-65 hour weeks) and I had a badly timed (as far as marathon training is concerned) trip to Aspen.
With all that said, I'm going to be extremely interested to see how things go next week.  For now, let's have a look at ...
Last year's "long" training run 2 weeks before the marathon:
3 hour training run

This year's "long" training run 1 week before the marathon:
3-Hour Training Run

And a total comparison of the 3 months leading into the race:
Marathon training comparison

I'll post again in a week-ish to compare the actual marathons.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Bachelor Diaries - The Jason Edition - Season Premiere


So I didn't even think I was going to have time to do this thing. In fact, I thought I had missed the premiere because I hadn't set my DVR. But then it turns out my DVR loves me and had taped it. And then I started the thing while eating dinner. And I wasn't 15 seconds in before I was bitching about Newnan to my roommate Dave. I paused it, ate my dinner and here we are.

You know the drill. Snarky snarky here we go.
  • "Are we Greek?" F Newnan. F that girl. "Are we Greek?" No, WE are not. You are, Pappas. P.S. did you hear that Jesse shredded his last gnar all over her face? Yeah, they broke up.
  • While we're going down memory lane ... You're my boy, Jessie! Gnar! We miss you Big Swayze. So. So. Much. Okay, on with the Jason edition.
  • Wow, dude is veiny. Gah.
  • "Ty's not gonna be around for the whole thing, but he'll be here for the start. We'll probably send him home before I start sealing all kinds of deals. Chicks love veins."
  • How many times in his life has Ty been called "buddy"? I put the over/under at 47 billion.
  • Whoever had 2:48 in the pool for the first Harrison hyperbole, you win ... "the most romantic season ever."
  • There is no way that any less than 100% of these girls worked out on the day of the first party.
  • "I'm a tooth Nazi. Ha ha ha ha." Uh, yeah, okay. Glad one of us is laughing.
  • Dominique. It was over before it started.
  • Melissa (Cowboy cheerleader) ... uh, nice work, camera 2. Good gravy, don't make it obvious or anything.
  • Yes! We have our first drop-dead-obvious nickname: Vision Board! BTW, did you hear that Oprah's fat again? OMG it's crazy times! Right!?!? She was fat once. And then skinny. And now fat again!
  • "I handle bitches with a slap," says Naomi. Well, I mean, duh. As if anyone ever handled bitches via some other method.
  • I'll give it to Jason for being original. He's somehow both nervous AND excited about the party. Is this guy dynamic or what?
  • Yes, drink, ladies. Drink that sweet, sweet champagne. We'll all thank you kindly for it in a few hours.
  • Carrie from Kansas is wearing pink eye shadow. There's just no getting around it.
  • The salsa dance has me cringing like mad. It's too much. Too much, salsa girl.
  • Stacia, the 24 year old mother of 2 from Utah ... no comment.
  • Nikki from Chicago ... eyes up here, Jason! Up here!!!
  • The cringing returns with golfing girl from Michigan. Thanks for that.
  • So when a Brazilian girl laughs awkwardly after you tell her you know a little bit of Spanish, that's her way of being too embarrassed to tell you they speak Portuguese in Brazil.
  • Wow, I really dislike Dominique. Her puff piece had the 100% opposite effect than I imagine the producers would have hoped.
  • And the Tooth Nazi claims the cringe grand prize with the fake teeth. Great work.
  • "The most shocking twist in Bachelor history" is apparently upcoming. Breathe it in, people.
  • Great moments in local news: "A rocker is helping out a politician ... at 10." I'm not making this up, people! Who could possibly turn away from such a story?
  • These ladies are serious. They just did a tequila shot with pops Jason.
  • Fun fact, Jason has the same birthday as my boy, Lubs. Thanks for the knowledge, Tooth Nazi.
  • Jason, if you and your veins ever want to do anything for me ... boot Dominique. Boot her now. How about the first impression booting? Can we install that as the new shocking twist?
  • Anyone wondering how to immediately weird out a dude, here's your answer: "I actually resigned from my job to be here."
  • Canada is actually making hot dogs? What is that all aboot? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh I kill me. Good times.
  • I will say this with no sense of irony at all. Mustard is exactly the right choice. No one needs Canada to tell them that.
  • See what Lauren the teacher did differently from Sharon the teacher? She did NOT quit her teaching job prior to coming on the show. She also wore a leopard print dress that is not exactly cut high. Ya know!? Jerry!!!??!?!?!
  • "We got a box. It's a box, we got a box." How much would I have lost it if someone quoted Brad Pitt in Se7en when they presented the box? "What's in the f'ing box!?"
  • I'll say it. I like nervous girl from Dallas.
  • I'm pretty sure Natalie just asked if Melissa is ready to be a "mendor" to a child. When it comes to mendoring, I have to say I too am unsure if Melissa is qualified.
  • "I mean he's 14 months so he's still learning," says Megan the mom. Uh, when exactly do you expect your child to stop learning?
  • First impression rose? More like first im-breast-ion rose! Heyo!!!
  • Let's give it up for Megan being the first person ever to say "you a-holes" while walking to receive a rose. I really hope this becomes a trend. You must utter a blanket insult to all the other ladies after Jason calls your name at the ceremony. "Erica." "Take that, you hookers!" "Will you accept this rose?" "Of course I will, Jason. Thank you."
  • At least one more week of the Tooth Nazi. Get your cringes ready.
  • Unemployed lands a rose? Chick is weird beard.
  • Drunky who gets engaged and married and divorced on a whim, Dominique (booyah!), Vision Board, 24-year old mother of 2 from Utah and others get the boot.
  • Whoever keeps saying "whore" but turning it into a 2-syllable word is my favorite. She's my favorite.
  • Oh, Newnan. I look forward to building on our history of hate with your reprisal this season.
  • Also, is Jason trying out for a soap opera with his crying on the balcony routine?
  • Spoiler alert! The winner has a French manicure!
Pretty good times, y'all. I could have handled a girl pulling her version of the "coyotes" routine from last year, but at least we're rid of Newnan. Oh wait.