Wednesday, March 23, 2005

seniority rules

so i go to p.f. chang's to pick up some take out food. picking up take out requires standing awkwardly at the end of the bar until the take out food guy decides you're worthy of his attention. you're always in the way of the servers and you just look insanely out of place. so i'm standing there for a couple minutes and this 60-something year old dude walks up and stands right next to me at the bar. Despite the fact that i'm standing there looking intently towards the back with my money in hand, take out food guy whose native american name would probably be doesn't-want-a-tip then emerges from his hole and looks right at the old man. "did you have a take out order?" old man gives him his name and doesn't-want-a-tip goes and retrieves his food. doesn't-want-a-tip then presents old man's food and old man gives him his credit card. doesn't-want-a-tip goes to run the card and then old man looks at me and says "this is place is run like well-oiled machine!"

you said it, pal.

Friday, March 18, 2005

smartest guy ever

it's almost 5pm and i go to check college hoops scores. i see vermont 13, syracuse 4. i send the following instant messages to my bro ryan.

LtotheJizay33: hoo doggies VT is up on cuse
LtotheJizay33: wow, such a lie
LtotheJizay33: and such a moron
LtotheJizay33: i looked at the seeds and thought that was the score
LtotheJizay33: i rule

vermont is a 13 seed and syracuse is a 4 seed. the game doesn't even start until 5:10pm.

smartest telemarketer ever

i don't think i've ever hung up the phone as fast as i did just now.

me: "hello."
other end: ... long pause ... obviously recorded voice: "please don't hang up--"

Monday, March 14, 2005

i love covers

ever seen 3 russian guys covering 'total eclipse of the heart' using kitchen appliances for percussion? click here so you can say "yes i have".

all props go to my bro lubs for finding this gem.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

ch-ch-check it out

here's 5 things that i've realized in the last few weeks that you may have not.

1. there is a small group of people that will never need jobs until mtv stops airing real world/road rules challenges and giving them thousands of dollars for finding keys in haystacks (that was an actual event in the last challenge).
2. gum in stick form is on the way out. cube form rules.
3. apparently, for any given concert, there are hundreds or even thousands of people that 1) couldn't get tickets and 2) are all over the idea of listening to the band's most popular songs via cell phone.
4. billy crudup is the voice of the mastercard "priceless" commercials. this one really floored me when i figured it out.
5. EVERYONE has one of those damn mp3 players!

one of the 5 above observations is not very inciteful.

Tuesday, March 8, 2005


ok, i'm totally stealing this from some comic i saw one time, but it's worth repeating.

i just got a fortune that said "you will bring sunshine into someone's life". wow. really? nostradamus would be proud at how specific and grand your predictions are, oh seer-like fortune cookie.

don't you think it'd be more fun to create fortunes that don't apply to 99.9% of america, but really freak out like 100 people? for example, "steve, you know that guy jeff from accounting? he's got that mustache and he's always talking to everyone about his boat. he's after your job and he's going to sabotage your powerpoint presentation!"

Thursday, March 3, 2005

more apprentice quotes

"This is about business and my business is business."
-Audrey the "breakdown" girl

"It's miniature golf. I know the rules of the game and it's something I have a background in."
-Stephanie the miniature golf project manager

"Those of us that walk away winning win more than just a loss."
-Audrey again after getting fired

if you're not watching, you're missing out, people.

i might be crazy

at the risk of looking like some kind of misguided groupie, i thought i'd try to list out my own personal concert count:

mayer - 16 - 3 in l.a., 2 in tucson, vegas, 7 in the midwest, 3 in phx
guster - 15 - 3 in the northeast, 4 in phx, 4 in the midwest, cinci, l.a., sd, tucson
martin sexton - 6 - 4 in the midwest, 2 in phx
mccain - 7 - 6 in phx, 1 in utah
dashboard - 5 - 4 in phx, 1 in utah
jars of clay - 4 - 2 in phx, 1 in tucson, valencia
maroon 5 - 6 - 3 in the midwest, 2 in phx, 1 in tucson
rockwell church - 3 - philly, san fran, pamona
james taylor - 2 - utah, tucson
pat mcgee band - 2 - phx, phx
blink-182 - 0 - 3 would-be attended concerts cancelled by the band
howie day - 2 - philly, phx
sister hazel - 2 - phx, tucson
counting crows - 2 - l.a., phx
glen phillips - 2 in tucson

1 timers
the hot hot heat
the killers
damien rice
pearl jam
the format
5 for fighting
scott huckabay
vertical horizon
boyz II men (hell, yeah!)
everclear (you heard me)
ben kweller
tina turner
melissa etheridge (tix were free, gimme a break)
amy grant
cindy lauper (opened for tina)
burlap to cashmere
david wilcox
joan osborne
third eye blind
goo goo dolls
pete droge and the sinners
matt nathanson
rage against the machine
reel big fish
the badlees
will hoge