The Bachelorette Musings: Ali and Man Drama - Family Style!

This week, we're back in the good ol' US of A where Kirk shows Ali his dad's basement (not a euphemism), Roberto gives Ali a baseball card, Chris' family seems semi-normal and Frank remains insecure (probably because he lives with his parents).

• These establishing shots are so dumb. I couldn't really figure out what "back in the states" meant until I saw Ali actually walking "in the states."
• So Roberto lives in Tampa near a school I guess.
• Wow, hilarious ... a baseball jersey with a name on it. Let's over-laugh some more.
• Judging from his one and only at bat, Roberto really knows how to ground into a double play.
• I've had a lot of my own baseball cards that I've shown to girls I've been trying to date ... to no avail. If only those cards had been from said girl's home town, then apparently I would have faired a lot better.
• Ali is meeting Roberto's dad Roberto, his mom Olga, his sister Olga and his sister in law Olga. I only lied about one of the previous names.
• Roberto (the older one) to Ali: "What are some of your personal goals?" Ali: "Mine?" Roberto: "No, personal goals that aren't yours, you flipping weirdo."
• Ali's thought bubble while talking to Old-berto: "This guy likes trophies and baseball and sports, if I say 'team' A LOT, he's that much more likely to like me."
• And to finish it off, let's team up all the Robertos and Olgas and dance awkwardly in the living room.
• Next up ... welcome to rainy Cape Cod. Judging from Ali's tennis ball toss to Chris' dog, she didn't learn anything from Roberto (either of them).
• Ali: "When Chris is feeling comfortable, I'm feeling comfortable ... and vice versa." Not quite sure Ali has the term 'vice versa' all figured out yet.
• Huh ... apparently it's a "dennis" bracelet "as seen on The Bachelorette."
• I have nothing to say about Chris' family. They're extremely normal and cool and are knocking it out of the park with Ali (or at least she best be seeing it that way).
• Fun fact: both of Chris' sisters in law are named Olga. Not really.
• Ali's time with Kirk's family is off to a great start. Ali and the step mom just had a really awkward hand-shake-oh-wait-we're-hugging-wait-no-okay-yeah-we're-hugging exchange.
• And now for the oh-so-hyped taxidermy awkwardness. Judging from the previews, this is as good as this episode has to offer.
• Kirk's dad: "What that is ... is a caribou foot that I put eyes on." Ali: "Well, no shit what else would it be."
• Huh. Beyond all the visually aided caribou feet, Ali's dad seems pretty normal and actually offers up some really nice words and good advice to Ali and Kirk. Didn't see that coming.
• You know what's not gonna not suck? ABC's The Gates.
• What's more awkward than adult braces? Senior citizen braces. Well done, Kirk's mom.
• TV #2 is showing the "legends" soft ball game. Marisa Miller just laid down a stronger grounder than Roberto. Other weird note from the legends game: Bo Jackson is still alive. Who knew.
• I'll let Kirk sum it up: "I am falling for this girl and ... I have fallen. I fell ... recently for this girl. Me fall. I fallded."
• Ah, the L train, Navy Pier, the Cubbies ... there's no place like Tulsa.
• Hey Ali, we're going on a boat. It's like a helicopter built for the water.
• Ali: "What I like about Frank is that he's at a point where he can get up and go anywhere. And when I say 'get up,' I mean get up from the bed in his room in his parents' house. And when I say 'go anywhere,' I mean move out, get a job and try to become a man. It's kind of perfect for us."
• Most confusing line of the show so far: "I think Frank and I are great together."
• Great news. Dating In The Dark is back August 9th. So awkward and wonderful.
• Bummer. No Olgas in Frank's family.
• So I've heard of the "Deep V," but it looks like Frank is wearing the "Deep U?"
• Onto the cocktail party where Chris ends his second sit-down interview in a row with the girl crying. Thank goodness Ali didn't try to talk about her dog.
• It's announcement time and Roberto's tie is loose, Frank is wearing some kind of weird lapel jacket with jeans and Ali's mope face is on.
• My money is on Kirk going bye bye. Probably because of the caribou foot face. That's just something you can't un-see.
• It's like that old wive's tale says ... Put on some dress shoes, you get a rose. Well done, Chris.
• Kirk responds to rejection with a couple firm head nods, straight talk and a smile. Cold as ice!
• Ali responds with moping. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhocking.
• Nothing cures a broken heart like a free trip to Tahiti and awkward laughter. Check and check.

Next week: wow Tahiti is crazy gorgeous. Seriously. Oh and Frank "needs to talk." PS how was there not more footage of Jenny in this episode?