The Bachelorette Musings: Ali and Man Drama in Turkey

Well it's time to go to Turkey, get greased up and wrestle and of course find out which one of these weirdos has a girlfriend that would allow him to go on The Bachelorette of all reality shows. It's occurred to me that this season hasn't really been about Ali at all. Each and every story line has been about the dudes. Let's see if Ali can carry the show beyond her ridiculous establishing shots now that Bubble is gone.

• "I don't think anything could go wrong at this point." I see what you did there, editing team.
• It's never good when when something is brought to Harrison's attention. He bats 1.000 when it comes to bad news being associated with "attention."
• This is some gripping TV here. We just watched Harrison check the dial tone, dial all 17 numbers and then listened to the phone ring six (6!) times before Jesse picked up. I was worried about how they were going to stretch this into 2 hours before the ep started. I am no longer worried. Can we at least turn the next phone dialing sequence into a montage of some kind? A phone operation montage.
• "Jesse, hey. Chris Harrison. ... I'm good. Well actually I'm not that great. We just burned 30 seconds of air time on executing this call and it is beyond awkward. ... What? Oh yeah, we should probably move onto the reason we called. 2 hours is a LOT of time to kill, ya know!? Okayyyy, here's Ali."
• Oh, Rated Injured. How could you do this to me? More importantly, how could you do this to all 9 of the studs on Bubble's arm -- er, on the show that trusted you and stuck up for you? Oh wait.
• The non-verbal shots of Harrison are fantastic.
• Also does Ali seem almost excited about this? Her tone of voice is way off.
• I was joking about actually learning who the girlfriend is and what her motives were/are. WTF is going on? We're talking to Inj's girlfriend? And she's revealing that everything everyone suspected about him is true? This season is beyond weird.
• Inj has Ali, a 2-year girlfriend and a 2-month girlfriend. He's Rated R!
• I like that Jesse and the girlfriend's footage was shot on a Flip Mino without a tripod.
• Hearing all this news: pretty good. Harrison saying "sorry" and then clearing his throat awkwardly: priceless.
• Time wasting via network television lesson #2 - hall walking montages kill a good minute and make for a great bump in.
• Kiiiiinda into the Valley Girl speech that Ali laid down. Also into how Inj handled it. "Well! I'm boned. Later, y'all!"
• Cancel that. Didn't realize he had no plan for what to do when he left the hotel. "Uh. Ah. Damn, this restaurant isn't open yet and apparently there are no side walks in Turkey so looks like I'm gonna have to plow through this shrub and scale this fountain. This is exactly how I figured I'd go out."
• I think we already knew this, but there's no way Justin makes it as a wrestler after this. Lying/acting is pretty important in the sports entertainment world. Justin is out on more than just this show.
• Ty and Ali are on a date. That is all.
• Frank! The last of the crazies. Save us from this horrible date, dude.
• I haven't considered writing a comment for 20 minutes. What we have here is 2 semi-normal people on an innocuous and completely unremarkable date. I'm dreaming of phone dialing montages with Harrison.
• The guys to Ali in the castle: "Put down your hair." Ali: "It won't reach." This is your bachelorette, America.
• This is your first time wrestling covered in olive oil, Chris? I always knew you were a weirdo.
• Let's hear it for Craig. The last non-chiseled bachelor standing. And he wins the olive oil wrestling competition to boot. Lawyered.
• I know what would allow Frank to cool out and relax coming into this group date. A nice, relaxing, soothing date card. Something along the lines of "Frank, the road to love is BIZARRE. Ali." Most ominous date card ever. Might as well have said "No rose for you."
• What just happened? Is Ali and Frank's date over yet? I fell asleep.
• I was snapped back to life when they previewed "Bachelor Pad!" Is it August 9th yet?
• Ali actually likes Frank? I didn't see that coming.
• Roberto wears a necklace over his shirt in his head shot? Hhhhhuh.
• I'm meant to believe that it was Ali's idea to go straight to the rose ceremony? Anah. Anah, producers!
• "Gentlemen, I know you were surprised there was no cocktail party. Chris from Cape Cod, I know you were surprised to find out your street shoes look stupid with that suit. I've had enough. I've had enough of this casual Friday routing on elimination night! Is nothing sacred any more!?" How much would I kill to have Harrison spice things up right about now?
• Uh, later Craig. You can't hypo love I guess, dude. (Little joke for all the 1L's out there.)

Thank the lord for "this season on The Bachelorette" redux cuz this episode was abismal. My hope is that Frank has a girlfriend. And it's the same girl that Justin was 2-timing Jessica with.