Monday, June 30, 2008

The Bachelorette Musings, The Overnight Dates and The Men Tell All

Before I settle in for another 2 hours of Newnan, I gotta say there's something mighty satisfying about drumming on rock band. Probably not as satisfying as actual drumming, though. Might have to look into that.

I'm gonna guess before we get going that Jason gets the boot tonight. With that said, here goes:
  • I've spent the first 10 minutes of the episode firing up the computer and writing what's above while Jeremy and Newnan do their thing. Read: another boring date for DeAnna and Jeremy.
  • Who hopes the turtle makes a cameo? Me, that's who.
  • As this boring date continues on to dinner, remember Cameo? That guy was great. What IS the word, Cameo, so word up.
  • Jiggins, the awkwardness of this show is back. Just keep asking each other "are you nervous?" That'll make things more comfy. For all of us.
  • I think Jeremy just said "Shall I read it?" unironically. Who says shall? Then again, who says forego? Chris Harrison, that's who!
  • Looks like the individual rooms have been forgotten? Foregone? Foregoing? Foregiggidy? Foregonzor.
  • As with every season, I would kill for a look at the camera and a wink during that awkward moment when the dude (Jeremy in this case) gets up to close the hotel room door on the camera men.
  • Onto Jason's date ... Newnan is hippy. Hips.
  • When did Jason turn into the goofiest dude alive? Tone it down, Ty's dad.
  • You know what? I've been to the Amazon. They're actually kinda right about the looks of this pond type thing they're on.
  • Ah, the kayak kiss. Almost as romantic as this.
  • Jason and Newnan's dinner isn't as awkward as it is super gigantic cheesy puff ball. Jeez.
  • Jason, I'd like to personally thank you for actually acting like you know what's on the card.
  • Here's a question. Is it the same room as the one she and Jeremy had? If so, why does that feel kinda gross to me?
  • Uh oh, big musical crescendo for Jason's "opening up session" with DeAnna. Jesse, don't f up. The pressure's on, dude.
  • Word to the wise: if you want to be entertained, watch Wipeout on ABC on Tuesdays! ABC, feel free to drop me a check whenever.
  • You're my boy, Jesse! Kid is gonna huck a Bahama barn rodeo with snag lift pull!!!
  • Wow, those horses are not afraid of the water. Steve could learn a lot from them.
  • Am I wrong or is Jesse and DeAnna's date the most normal, natural and non-awkward date of them all?
  • For you kids following along at home, Breck = Breckenridge aka Jesse's home aka the shreddiest place on earth!
  • "I definitely don't put on boots and go shred every day?" Say it ain't so, Jesse. Say it ain't so.
  • Look, I have to say it. Jesse's killin' it. Killin' it.
  • Man, DeAnna is itching for that fantasy suite. She's said she's dying to get there twice now.
  • Jesse and the fantasy suite fake out ... what can I say? He's my boy. Jesse's my boy. I've said it before. I'll likely say it again.
  • Killed it.
  • "If you'd like to nominate the next Bachelor or Bachelorette or if you'd like to chit chat with Chris, call 866-739-3150. He's lonely and he only knows how to recite his bachelor lines at this point so don't expect deep conversation. It's pretty much like talking to one of those dolls with the strings in their back."
  • Onto the rose ceremony ... and Newnan has a giant bow on her dress. It's like she's the present to 2 of the 3 dudes with untucked shirts. When in Rome, boys. Well done.
  • Jesse gets the first pick two days in a row! Stoked. To harken back to the earlier episodes ... dare I say front runner?
  • Wow, Jeremy gets the boot. Color me surprised.
  • Later, Jeremy. It's been boring ... and awkward. And not fun. And boring.
  • Oh wait, the awkwardness isn't over. She has to walk him out.
  • Cliche cliche cliche. Open up. Connection. Luckiest girl in the world. Meant everything I said. And he's gone.
  • Nice. The somber guitar song is back.
  • Can't believe we're back to the most awkward toast again. Jesse, Jason and Newnan. Soak in the awkward, everyone.
  • Oh wait, Jeremy's shirt wasn't untucked. That's probably why he didn't get picked. Walk it out, dude.
  • Onto the men tell all. Notice that it's the men tell all and not the dudes tell all. I'm ready for some whining and complaining and cat fighting not natural to any dudes.
  • How have I forgotten that her last name is Pappas? As in Angelo Pappas. Her and Big Swayze would have been something.
  • Holy crap, they brought back Greg the "coyotes" guy. Need a refresher?
  • Fred, Graham and Jeremy get some big cheers from the 99.7% female crowd. The opening Chris Harrison monologue reveals 3 men in a shot showing 36 people. Higher than I would have expected.
  • Speaking of Graham, check out this BS. And remember ... "46 is not a charity, but rather a brand that enables children's charities." Got it? Got it.
  • Survey says ... the ladies like Rick Nye Science Guy. Giggles giggles.
  • "What night did you figure out what you were doing, Twilley?" Ice COLD, Harrison.
  • I'm glad Ryan the crazy football player aka most likeable 8th grader is back. That dude is a special kind of nuts. And has cat claws like no other.
  • Harrison actually makes me laugh when he says "I like guys that can high five after calling each other a d-bag." He also actually said d-bag. Nice work, Harrison.
  • Also, that montage of Twilley hating on Jeremy, Jeremy hating on Twilley reminds me of something. Even though reality TV and the idea of confessionals has been around for over a decade now, as a species it seems we still haven't figured out that what we say in the confessional is being recorded and will be played back for the whole country later.
  • One thing I never want to hear in my life: "Come on up here and join me in the hot seat, Luke." Ever.
  • Kudos to the producers for trying to get a shot of a girl that looked sorta like she was crying during Jeremy's sob story, but that chick was not crying. Good effort though.
  • So basically Jeremy today is DeAnna from Big Swayze's season. Feel free to use the word "confused" as often as you'd like when Newnan makes her appearance, Jeremy.
  • Bringing Graham onto the hot seat ... Jimmy Kimmel? Oprah? Ellen? I don't get it.
  • DeAnna's in the hot seat now and there's a "lotta respect in the house tonight." Whatever that means. Harrison is in rare form tonight.
  • Man! There is some passive aggressive stuff going down between Newnan and Graham right now. And I love all the muffled giggles from the females in the audience.
  • They get an awesome shot of two dudes chuckling big time at one of Harrison's jokes. I'm a giant hypocrite, right? Right.
  • So when Newnan scrunches her mouth to one side. Is that cute or not? I can't decide.
  • Here comes Ryan piping up about something. Cat claws are out of control. "OCD. Obsessive compulsive DeAnna like my man Jeremy." We should put this guy on as a contestant on the next Bachelor.
  • Somehow Graham works in another passive aggressive "I'm sorry." Good job.
  • The bloopers montage was gold. And Harrison is knocking it out of the park this episode. Regarding Shawn's mullet: "Business in the front. Party in the back." Regarding Shawn's karate: "Do you think he actually trained in the Cobra Cai dojo?" Gold, Harrison.
  • If Greg started running in my direction after ripping his shirt off, I'd be off the set as soon as possible. I do NOT want to hear the coyotes.
Well, that was another interesting and slightly painful 2 hours. Can't believe I'm not only still watching this show, but have a legitimate rooting interest in the finale. And I really have no idea who DeAnna is going to pick. The super smiley guy with the kid. Or the dude that can huck a rodeo at the drop of a hat. Another 2 hours and I guess we'll know. Harrison: "the most dramatic finale ever." There ya go, I guess.

P.S! Fred lands a date!!! Fred is awesome.

And finally, shamelessly, click on any of these little links below if you're so inclined. It'll maybe get a few new readers to the bloggy here. Onwards and upwards, ya know?

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