Thursday, November 16, 2006

Culmination

Ok, so I just found myself realizing that the Kings of Convenience write some kick ass outtros. And then I started thinking about all the different parts of a song and certain bands came to mind for each part. Here it is.

Intro - Bloc Party
Verse - Rockwell Church
Chorus - Rolling Stones
Bridge - Matt Nathanson
Outtro - Kings of Convenience

I guess if I could somehow get all these guys to get together and decide on a genre and each write their own part, it's safe to say I'd really like it.

It's certainly possible I'll revisit this later.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Random

Where do i find double- or triple-malt scotch?

When you're in line at Subway, do you ever pay close attention to what the people in front of and behind you in line are ordering just in case you end up with their sandwich due to some mis-hap during checkout? Me neither.

When someone says "I'm not pressuring you", what ARE they saying?

There's a new truth in the world. You can verify that two people are dating by examining each person's top-left friend on MySpace. "Are they each other's top-left friend? They are? Yeah, they're a couple."

Is anyone surprised when someone crosses the street on TV or in a movie and doesn't get run over?

Don't say something like "It's gonna take me at least 6 - 10 weeks to get that for you." When you say "at least", everything after 6 weeks is understood.

My new favorite thing is watching people run in place while waiting for the walk signal. I can't contain myself while watching them in my car. I just start laughing and offering up encouraging words like I'm their fitness coach. "Keep that heart rate up. There ya go. Let me see those knees."

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

local news

it's that time again. thanks to tivo, this is a word for word quote from a promo for the channel 9 news in tucson on 11/8/06.

"and if you're a woman who is afraid that one day you'll be pennyless, you are a not alone. a look at what's called bag lady syndrome tonight on kgun on your side at 10."

i'll provide a full report tomorrow.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Annoyance

What's this? Three posts in one day?! WTF?!

Ok, so has someone already written about this? Probably. Nonetheless, I don't like waiting for food to "cool down". It's a real funny thing. You get food out of the freezer. It's frozen. You put it in the microwave or oven and then blast the temp of the food past anything your mouth can handle. Can't we find a happy medium? So at this point you have 2 options:

1. Wait for the food to "cool down". Annoying.
2. Start eating your food using the routine. You know. Blow on it. Take a small bite. "Everything's cool" you say in your head until the food touches the roof of your mouth. Then you're inhaling like crazy while trying to chew without the food hitting the top of your mouth. Inevitably you come real close to drooling cuz your mouth is wide f'ing open. Finally you get it down. Well guess what? You didn't even taste the food all that time cuz you were overcome with inhaling, chewing, protecting the roof of your mouth and controlling your slobber for the past 10 seconds. Ridiculously annoying.

Well, that settles that. Option 1 it is!

Veronica Mars

Ok so I know like 8 people read this thing and I talk to most of you daily anyway so recommending an already highly acclaimed TV show probably isn't the best use of bandwidth, but you know what they say ... if you can touch one person ...

Veronica Mars. I just watched the season premiere of the current season and I found myself chuckling out loud often and fully laughed out loud at one moment. I watched all of last season and enjoyed it, but this season seemed to up the ante in terms of insanely witty, quick and well-timed jokes usually based on pop culture references. All the kids talk like they're on Dawson's Creek (as though they scored way way too high on the SAT Verbal section), but it's a little more cynical and rarely sappy which seems to help a lot.

And c'mon, Ms. Bell ain't too shabby on the eyes either. (Insert obligatory blog photo so as to make this entry not all text.)


Great. Now I have a pic of Kristen Bell on my blog. Better do another entry.

idea

i'm just putting it out there.

jm.
drh.

duo electric tour.

melted faces.

if you've seen what they're doing on jm's current tour, it's basically impossible to argue with my idea.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Music Draft

Ok, it's time for the 2006 Music Draft. This is a concept my boys Berg and Lubs came up with. Here it is.

Imagine every band in the world is coming out with a new album tomorrow. Imagine you only get to have one of those albums. Who do you pick?

My Picks:
1. Kings of Leon - I have heard 4 of their new songs and holy shit. And I'm pretty much totally obsessed with these guys right now.
2. Bloc Party - A real candidate for number 1, but the new songs of Leon that I've heard edged out Bloc.
3. John Mayer Trio - Assuming it's John, Steve and Pino, I'm excited.

Honorable mentions:
Iron and Wine, Dear and the Headlights, Kings of Convenience, Damien Rice.

Random fun fact: Did you know that, with the new iTunes, if you're within 10 seconds of the end of a song and then you fast-forward it or switch to another track, the current song gets credit for the playcount. I post this because I'm probably the only person that doesn't work for Apple that's noticed this.

Wednesday, September 6, 2006

i can make a difference

i figured out how i'm gonna make my mark on the world. i'm going to get rid of the 30-30 (or 30-all) score in tennis. it's 100% useless.

a break down of tennis scoring.
-a game of tennis (which is a subset of a set which is in turn a subset of a match) starts out at 0-0 (or love-love if you wanna be a real prick)
-the first point counts for 15 (yes, it's weird)
-the second takes you to 30
-the third takes you to 40
-next point could be (but isn't always the point that ends the game)
-so a game could be over in 4 points, 0-0 -> 15-0 -> 30-0 -> 40-0 -> game over
-and then there's this concept called deuce
-assuming both guys score 3 points, that puts them at 40-40 which is called deuce
-at that point, you have to win 2 points in a row to win the game where the first point you win is the deuce point
-if it's deuce and you win the point, they call that "your advantage"
-if you win "your advantage", game over
-if you lose "your advantage", back to deuce, try again

here's where my mark on the world comes in. 30-30 (or 30-all, the situation where both sides have scored 2 points) is exactly the same as deuce. once you get to 30-30, you have to win two in a row (starting at deuce/30-all/same thing) to win the game. exact same rules as deuce.

let's see it in action.
-it's 30-all, you win a point, making it 40-30
-if you win the next point, you win the game
-just like if it was deuce and you won two in a row

-it's 30-all, you win a point, making it 40-30
-you lose the next one which puts you at ... that's right, 40-40 or deuce
-rinse and repeat with the deuce stuff until the game is over

that's it, 30-30 is deuce. it might be the most useless concept in the entire world. and we live in a world where i can use bandwidth to write this blog entry. once i explain this concept to someone who can do something about it, they're gonna owe me big.

i'll see you when i'm famous and rich.

Saturday, September 2, 2006

Inspired by a true story

It seems like half of the movies that come out these days are inspired by a true story. And they always seem to really throw that in your face ... in the preview at the beginning of the movie. Is that really something that you should be touting as a film maker? Pretty much just means that you found some story and filled in all the trimmings.

If I ever make a movie, it's gonna be fiction and the preview is gonna start with a black screen and this text:

I made all this shit up myself.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

ringtone of the year!

so i'm watching the vmas and they just presented the award for ringtone of the year. the winner was a dude named fort minor (who i recognize from linkin park) but his tune where'd you go is one i've never heard before.

i have to ask, what's worse, announcing this award and being forced to say "we are proud to present the first ever award for ringtone of the year?" or the fact that this fort minor dude had a prepared list of people to thank for when he won ringtone of the year?

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

apparently, i'm mighty

i went here: www.youaremight.com. i typed in my name. i clicked the link. and i was presented with this piece of unbelievable awesomeness.

http://luke.johnson.youaremighty.com/

the internet. i mean, c'mon.

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

Saturday, April 8, 2006

crack journalistic investigation

so i get this email that really looks like spam except for the extremely weird and personally addressed content:

From: Crystal Cotti crystalcotti@yahoo.com
To: lukejohnson33@gmail.com, lukejohnson33@yahoo.com
Date: Mar 20, 2006 5:12 PM
Subject: Incident with the Mayor of Austin

Hi Luke,
My name is Crystal Cotti and I'm a reporter at Fox 7 News in Austin. Were you in Austin for South by Southwest this weekend? If so, please call me at 512-785-0500 as soon as you get this. We're trying to figure out why the mayor decided to escort you out with so much force. Thanks for your time. This story is airing at 9pm tonight.
Thanks for your help,
Crystal Cotti

i can't help but respond with this

Crystal,

Gotta be the weirdest or the best spam ever. I was not attending south by southwest this weekend so I can't help. But I'll be looking forward to the story.

-Luke

and then the response from crystal:

I found your name on My Space...so sorry to bother. Thanks for the response.

turns out that crystal is actually a reporter for fox 7 news in austin.

so basically when fox 7 news in austin needs to find a quote or a source for a story, it looks like myspace is their first stop. seems as though the local news in austin is just as great as it is in arizona.

sadly i never got a follow up from crystal on the story. i'd love any info anyone has on my namesake and his ongoing feud with the mayor of austin.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006

Wednesday, March 1, 2006

my future is lookin' up

i recently got this email

Dear friend,
I found your picture on one of the websites, can we talk to
each other? I might be coming to your place in few weeks.
This would be a great opportunity to meet each other.
Btw, I am a woman. I am 25. Drop me a line at ivnb@uwriteme.info/navyseals

as i was reading this, i gotta say i was getting more and more excited about meeting this person who saw my picture "on one of the websites." i was even more excited at the concept of having the chance to "talk to each other" rather than just one of us talking while the other says nothing. and then i found out the sender of the email was a woman! holy shit i about lost it! it's really gonna be a great opportunity for us to meet each other when she comes to my place "in few weeks." i'll assume from her optimism and confident stance that she knows where my place is. can't wait!

online test

i don't care if this test has no validity. i'm still fascinated. i've spent most of my life systematically not caring about politics. and it looks like my efforts have made me about as middle of the road as possible.


You are a

Social Moderate
(55% permissive)

and an...

Economic Moderate
(50% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Centrist










Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Saturday, February 11, 2006

olympic pairs figure skating

let's talk about it. as if the outfits, music choices and choreography in between throws wasn't funny enough, there's the announcers. saturday night featured these actual quotes (or near quotes from memory):
  • she's like a cat
  • the chinese people are known for their throws
    • really? 1 billion+ people and that's their defining trait as a nation?
  • they're known for their short program ... they really are known for their short program ... they excel at the short program
    • these three quotes were from the same person during the same routine
  • nice descent ... she did a good job of not touching her fanny to the ice
  • nice unison
    • do you think he meant nice synchronization? me neither
  • bent leg ... (senses confusion from his fellow commentators) ... the skating leg is bent
  • they please me
  • they're the kind of people you want to move in next door to
  • they're the kind of people you want to have over for dinner and they won't spill wine all over the table
the last three quotes were about a pair that finished well well off the medal stand. dick button, i didn't know comedy before i knew your commentary. it got the point where i would try not to laugh just to make sure that i didn't miss anything.

if dick button is in the booth, don't miss it.

Monday, February 6, 2006

new name

A new client called me today to ask a question about using our online software. It may help you to know that she sounds like a 20-something southern girl from Louisiana, but I'm not sure. (Obviously I'm only not sure about the age part, I know the other 2 for sure.) Anyway, the convo started like this:

Me: "CNS. This is Luke."
Young lady: "Hello, Mr. Luke ..."

I have no explanation. That's it. That's the end of my story.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

the dude from thrashin'

i'm extra proud of this one. i just watched last night's (1/23/06) episode of 24. in the 2nd half-hour, a henchman is let into CTU by another henchman. the henchman that is let in is the bad guy from the ridiculous 1986 movie thrashin'. sadly there are no good pictures of him in thrashin', but i was amazed to see that the dude is still alive.

-if you don't know about, thrashin', here's a good link that summarizes the whole movie with pics.
-here's the only thrashin' picture of the guy that i could find
-here's the dude's imdb profile, notice thrashin' (playing tommy hook) and 24 (playing hank)

unite

let's all get together and agree on a couple things:
  1. we all know that when we're done leaving a voicemail, we can either hang up or press 1 for more options ... stop telling us. side note, we all also know that i can push 5 to send a numeric page now. just give us the damn beep.
  2. when the senior high school picture guy says, "ok now just touch your hand to your chin," DON'T!
  3. we don't need extra song titles in parentheses in order to help us realize what song it really is. examples:
    1. pride (in the name of love) - u2
    2. rebellion (lies) - arcade fire
    3. leave (get out) - jojo - my personal fav
    4. why can we remove the parenthetical titles? because this conversation has never happened:
      • you like that song, "leave"?
      • huh, "leave"? don't think i've heard that one. -- OH! you mean "get out"?! YES! that song totally rules my ass.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006