Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Please Hold

I've been getting this interaction a lot lately when calling places with operators ...

Person: "Hello, how may I direct your call?"
Me: "[Extremely clear answer where I also indicate who I am and why I'm calling]"
Person: "Okay ... please hold."
Me: "Okay."
[Hold music]

[Comes back.]
Person: "I'm sorry, this is my first day. Please continue to hold."
Me: "Okay."
[Hold Music]

[Comes back.]
Person: "Please continue to hold."
Me: "Okay."
[Hold Music]

[Comes back.]
Person: "How can I direct your call?"
Me: "I was already on hold waiting for [so and so]."
Person: "Please hold."
Me: "Okay."
[Hold Music]

[Comes back.]
Person: "Please continue to hold."
Me: "Yeah, I was holding. I figured that's what the hold music was meant to do ... have me continue to hold. Count me in for some more holding!"
[Hold Music]

[Comes back.]
Person: "Please hold."
Me: "Thank God you came back. In the last 15 seconds since I heard your voice, I was beginning to wonder if that hold music was trying to insinuate that I should hang up ... or worse."
[Hold Music]

[Comes back.]
Person: "Continue to hold."
Me: "Look. It's getting bad out here in Hold Land. Is the sun still shining where you are? Is there food? And laughter?"
[Hold Music]

[Comes back.]
Person: "Okay, here's [who you asked to speak to.]"
Me: "Chaos. Reigns."
[Phone clicks.]
Person: "Hi, Luke."
Me: "Oh, hey, Tom! Listen. About those TPS reports ..."

All I'm saying is ... I already agreed to hold. I don't care if it's your first day and I don't need all the check ins. I'll hold. That's what speaker phones are for.