The Bachelorette Musings, DeAnna Meets the Families

Sup. Yes, I'm back. I figured I've come this far. Let the gradual erosion of my man card continue!

This week DeAnna will head home to meet the dudes' families. Some seem to call them the hometown dates. But not so fast! ABC has 2 hours to fill so they do a longish recap of each of the remaining dudes. Again with the 2 hours, ABC? I know it's summer and all, but there's something to be said for good, concise television.

• My one note from the recap - Jesse gave DeAnna the 3-step hand shake when he first met her. Now that's a dude right there.
• We're in Breckenridge! Gnarrrrrrrrrr! That jump was EPIC!!!!! Jesse's killin' it! Shred the gnar! Epic curl grind hip switch nut bolt! EPIC!!!!!
  
• Jesse actually said "DeAnna killed it." in the confessional. I love this guy. You're my boy, Jesse!
• He should kiss her while hucking a switch 520 fishbone. Ya knowwwwww!? Jerry!?!
  
• Newnan and Jesse just had a really long conversation. I didn't hear a word of it. I think they both said "big deal". Snooze fest. Get out there and shred the backbone split switch foot!!!!!
• The dude ends the segment by giving a piggy back ride while shredding. He killed it. He killed that piggy back ride!!! EPIC!!!
• Okay I'm done.
• Jesse says he hasn't kissed Newnan yet becuase he wants to build a strong foundationship to their relationship. Or something like that. I like rhyming.
  
• I'll say it. Jesse's house is very appealing to me. Lots of giant TVs. Lots of movies and such. Clean as hell. You're my boy, Jesse!
• Hey Jesse and Dad, stop talking about palm sweat. You're on TV.
• Bolo ties. Jesse's dad is gonna bring 'em back. Just look at how awesome that thing is.
  
• I like carriage rides cuz they give me a chance to sing the Beefarino jingle. I'm really keen-o on Beefarino. What a delicious cuisine-o. What? No Seinfeld fans?
• Jesse finally kisses Newnan. Dare I say ... killed it? Killed it.
• Onto what's his name's date. I honestly can't think of his name right now. Jeremy! That's it.
  
• Cool dog, dude. You're still a douche.
• Ugh. We're watching them look at pictures. Could this be more boring? (Yes, sometimes I morph into Chandler Bing. And yes, that's two 90s NBC comedy references in one bach blog.)
• I just fast-forwarded through the rest of their couch time. And even that took forever.
• Back from commercial ... and they're STILL on the couch talking. Enough!
• Finally the family arrives and saves me. Wait. Nevermind, I'm still super bored. This is the boring life you're in for, Newnan ... if you pick Jeremy.
• So, uh, like, Jeremy's bros didn't go with Jeremy on the day he got his gym membership or what? Or is he adopted? Is that what I missed when I fast forwarded?
  
• The 3 bros are talking and the physical difference among the 3 of them is all I can think about. I can see how the 2 bros look identical. But Jeremy is not even close to looking like them. Weird beard.
• Okay, there was a great moment as Newnan and the bros start talking. Crazy awkward moment as they all try to figure out where to sit. Roll it back if you can. One bro sits, stands, then sits again, then almost stands again ... but then settles in.
• Even I'm uncomfortable with how close the bros are sitting. You guys ever heard of a buffer?
• Did Newnan just say sweaty palms too? What the hell?
• This date is in Texas, right? That must be why Newnan is turning ON the southern accent. Ease back there, McConaughey.
• On to Jason's date.
• DeAnna, WTF. You don't know what the space needle is?
• Ok, seriously, really, DeAnna? Really? Space needle on a crappy Seattle day? Most beautiful view ever? Really? I can clearly see it's windy as all hell too. I don't appreciate non-ironic hyperbole, Newnan. I do not.
• The Jason/Ty reunion is too much.
• Side question: golf ball? Huh? Notice that Ty is not calling it the best gift ever.
  
• I have nothing funny to say about Jason's family. They all seem very nice and reasonable. And they don't have cat claws unlike Jeremy's bros.
• Wait, I spoke too soon ... the opa! circle and leap frog session just went down.
• I watch this during most of DeAnna and Dad's convo. Much more entertaining.
• And we're in Raleigh for Graham's date. We really could have done this in 1 hour instead of 2, ABC.
• Wait. Can I go somewhere to buy a high school basketball jersey from my high school? Will mine have a GIANT American flag on it? Go Firebirds!  And go America, too.
• Graham had his stupid hat in his back pocket this whole time? What is with that hat? Is there a story here we don't know about? Normal dudes do not have such an affinity for single articles of clothing.
• Another snoozefest of a family meet up. Except for when Dad says that DeAnna talks too fast for being from Georgia. I have no idea just what exactly that comment means, but I like it.
• So, when Graham and Newnan go sit on the bench, 2 questions. 1) Is Graham drinking a red bull and vodka? Good times. 2) What's your deal, Graham? You're weird.
• So does it mean anything that DeAnna chose 2 dudes that are only children and 2 other dudes with pretty good size families? No? Yeah, probably.
• Coming into the rose ceremony, DeAnna says "we're fixin' to go from 4 guys to 3." Fixin'? Fixin', Newnan? What the f, dude?
• Harrison, don't say "my man". 1) It's not you and 2) you're not scoring any points with Jesse. He knows who you are. We all do. You're not a "my man" kinda guy.
• Harrison addresses the dudes and says "One of you will be going home tonight. Well, technically all of you will go home tonight ... since the format of the show calls for you to go home and then individually fly to Georgia visit DeAnna's family, but, uh, you know what I mean." Or maybe he only said the first part.
  
• DeAnna's first short dress of the season. Hmmmm.
• Jesse AKA Sonny Crockett lands the first rose and lands a "you look great" whisper. You're my boy, Jesse!
• Weirdo Graham gets the boot and we all saw it coming.
  
• We have a world first. I think Graham just dropped a back-handed use of the phrase "more than welcome". DeAnna is "more than welcome to make it easier on [herself] by thinking that, but that's not true." Burn, Newnan. Burn.
• Man, this is some dramatic crap right here I'm pretty sure. Graham pulls a note out of his back pocket. And then says that she can either read it, throw it away or burn it. Any of those 3 will work, Newnan. Pick whichever one you like.
• Looks like she decided to read it. I was really hoping for burn it.
• Also I gotta say ... when he went to the back pocket, I really thought he was gonna pull out his hat at first.
  
• Also worth noting ... before the dramatic note drop, DeAnna said something like "It ends here. It ends tonight." You sure about that? You sure it doesn't end tomorrow? Or next week?
• I say good job, Newnan. That dude's a mess. Graham's a mess.

Next week, Jesse might actually choose to NOT forego his individual room. You're my boy, Jesse! Seriously, I can't wait.

And finally, shamelessly, click on any of these little links below if you're so inclined. It'll maybe get a few new readers to the bloggy here. Onwards and upwards, ya know?

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