Tuesday, June 3, 2008

The Bachelorette Musings, Episode 3

Okay, so I feel okay about posting this mostly because I watched The Bachelorette during the intermission breaks of the triple overtime hockey game. I'm all man, lady! Here are my random thoughts on DeAnna, Ron the weirdo, Jesse and all the others about 12 hours after I watched episode 3.
  • Early on in the episode, someone said something like "Jeremy is doing his 'white on rice' routine" in reference to how Jeremy is behaving while living in the DeAnna house. I know I say this a lot, but this time I really mean it. I have no idea what that means. What is involved in executing a "white on rice routine"?
  • The main trend with this group of dudes remains ... a lot of them really don't resemble dudes at all. Jesse, thank heavens for you. You're a dude. Keep holdin' it down, brah. You're killin' it! You're shreddin' the gnar epic-stylez!!
  • Ron is a straight up weirdo. I had to fast forward through his convo at the end of the night. I'm glad you really like yourself, sir, because from here it seems hard to understand how anyone else will.
  • Speaking of fast-forwarding, I couldn't handle DeAnna giving the boot to Richard Nye Science Guy. Again I had to fast-forward through this giant ball of awkwardness. I was literally covering my mouth and looking away from the TV before that.
  • That is another overriding trend to this season: awkwardness. Awkwardness that I can't seem to disconnect myself from. I was giving myself little talks in my own head last night: "Next time it gets awkward, just know that you're in your living room and you're not a part of the mess you're watching on the glowing screen in front of you." And not only is it telling that I had to give myself such a talk, but then it didn't even work. I still fast-forwarded through Ron's final speech. Why does this awkwardness not exist during Bachelor seasons? I think there's a deep philosophical answer to be found by asking this question.
  • Good job, Ellen. Thanks for making Fred's day ... cuz he has no chance of winning this thing. I love the dude, but he can't compete with the likes of Jeremy and Mr. Mom.
  • Add to the list of not-a-chance-in-hell: Tall gray haired Brian, Karate Boy, the sensitive chef (really sensitive), Twilley.
  • Holy crap, that reminds me, we didn't even get our normal dose of Twilley awkwardness. And I was still uncomfortable during 30% of the show. This show is just one big bowl of awkward.
  • Newnan got rid of Paul? He was one of the other dudes in the house, girl. You're weening out all the dudes. At least you still seem to dig Jesse.
  • Oh yeah, and Graham, put on a cowboy hat, dude. What the hell?
I guess that's all I've got. As I sort of predicted and as previous seasons have shown, The Bachelorette is just not as good as The Bachelor in general. And chalk on top of that a cast of women that sit in the outhouse and bitch about each other all day when they're not going on horribly awkward outings with DeAnna, I'm ready for the next Bachelor season already. Tell Jeremy to propose and let's move on.

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