The Bachelorette Musings, The Overnight Dates and The Men Tell All

Before I settle in for another 2 hours of Newnan, I gotta say there's something mighty satisfying about drumming on rock band. Probably not as satisfying as actual drumming, though. Might have to look into that.

I'm gonna guess before we get going that Jason gets the boot tonight. With that said, here goes:

• I've spent the first 10 minutes of the episode firing up the computer and writing what's above while Jeremy and Newnan do their thing. Read: another boring date for DeAnna and Jeremy.
• Who hopes the turtle makes a cameo? Me, that's who.
  
• As this boring date continues on to dinner, remember Cameo? That guy was great. What IS the word, Cameo, so word up.
• Jiggins, the awkwardness of this show is back. Just keep asking each other "are you nervous?" That'll make things more comfy. For all of us.
• I think Jeremy just said "Shall I read it?" unironically. Who says shall? Then again, who says forego? Chris Harrison, that's who!
• Looks like the individual rooms have been forgotten? Foregone? Foregoing? Foregiggidy? Foregonzor.
  
• As with every season, I would kill for a look at the camera and a wink during that awkward moment when the dude (Jeremy in this case) gets up to close the hotel room door on the camera men.
• Onto Jason's date ... Newnan is hippy. Hips.
• When did Jason turn into the goofiest dude alive? Tone it down, Ty's dad.
• You know what? I've been to the Amazon. They're actually kinda right about the looks of this pond type thing they're on.
• Ah, the kayak kiss. Almost as romantic as this.
• Jason and Newnan's dinner isn't as awkward as it is super gigantic cheesy puff ball. Jeez.
• Jason, I'd like to personally thank you for actually acting like you know what's on the card.
• Here's a question. Is it the same room as the one she and Jeremy had? If so, why does that feel kinda gross to me?
• Uh oh, big musical crescendo for Jason's "opening up session" with DeAnna. Jesse, don't f up. The pressure's on, dude.
  
• Word to the wise: if you want to be entertained, watch Wipeout on ABC on Tuesdays! ABC, feel free to drop me a check whenever.
• You're my boy, Jesse! Kid is gonna huck a Bahama barn rodeo with snag lift pull!!!
• Wow, those horses are not afraid of the water. Steve could learn a lot from them.
• Am I wrong or is Jesse and DeAnna's date the most normal, natural and non-awkward date of them all?
• For you kids following along at home, Breck = Breckenridge aka Jesse's home aka the shreddiest place on earth!
• "I definitely don't put on boots and go shred every day?" Say it ain't so, Jesse. Say it ain't so.
• Look, I have to say it. Jesse's killin' it. Killin' it.
• Man, DeAnna is itching for that fantasy suite. She's said she's dying to get there twice now.
• Jesse and the fantasy suite fake out ... what can I say? He's my boy. Jesse's my boy. I've said it before. I'll likely say it again.
• Killed it.
• "If you'd like to nominate the next Bachelor or Bachelorette or if you'd like to chit chat with Chris, call 866-739-3150. He's lonely and he only knows how to recite his bachelor lines at this point so don't expect deep conversation. It's pretty much like talking to one of those dolls with the strings in their back."
  
• Onto the rose ceremony ... and Newnan has a giant bow on her dress. It's like she's the present to 2 of the 3 dudes with untucked shirts. When in Rome, boys. Well done.
• Jesse gets the first pick two days in a row! Stoked. To harken back to the earlier episodes ... dare I say front runner?
• Wow, Jeremy gets the boot. Color me surprised.
• Later, Jeremy. It's been boring ... and awkward. And not fun. And boring.
• Oh wait, the awkwardness isn't over. She has to walk him out.
  
• Cliche cliche cliche. Open up. Connection. Luckiest girl in the world. Meant everything I said. And he's gone.
  
• Nice. The somber guitar song is back.
• Can't believe we're back to the most awkward toast again. Jesse, Jason and Newnan. Soak in the awkward, everyone.
  
• Oh wait, Jeremy's shirt wasn't untucked. That's probably why he didn't get picked. Walk it out, dude.
• Onto the men tell all. Notice that it's the men tell all and not the dudes tell all. I'm ready for some whining and complaining and cat fighting not natural to any dudes.
• How have I forgotten that her last name is Pappas? As in Angelo Pappas. Her and Big Swayze would have been something.
• Holy crap, they brought back Greg the "coyotes" guy. Need a refresher?
  
• Fred, Graham and Jeremy get some big cheers from the 99.7% female crowd. The opening Chris Harrison monologue reveals 3 men in a shot showing 36 people. Higher than I would have expected.
  
• Speaking of Graham, check out this BS. And remember ... "46 is not a charity, but rather a brand that enables children's charities." Got it? Got it.
• Survey says ... the ladies like Rick Nye Science Guy. Giggles giggles.
• "What night did you figure out what you were doing, Twilley?" Ice COLD, Harrison.
• I'm glad Ryan the crazy football player aka most likeable 8th grader is back. That dude is a special kind of nuts. And has cat claws like no other.
• Harrison actually makes me laugh when he says "I like guys that can high five after calling each other a d-bag." He also actually said d-bag. Nice work, Harrison.
• Also, that montage of Twilley hating on Jeremy, Jeremy hating on Twilley reminds me of something. Even though reality TV and the idea of confessionals has been around for over a decade now, as a species it seems we still haven't figured out that what we say in the confessional is being recorded and will be played back for the whole country later.
  
• One thing I never want to hear in my life: "Come on up here and join me in the hot seat, Luke." Ever.
• Kudos to the producers for trying to get a shot of a girl that looked sorta like she was crying during Jeremy's sob story, but that chick was not crying. Good effort though.
• So basically Jeremy today is DeAnna from Big Swayze's season. Feel free to use the word "confused" as often as you'd like when Newnan makes her appearance, Jeremy.
• Bringing Graham onto the hot seat ... Jimmy Kimmel? Oprah? Ellen? I don't get it.
• DeAnna's in the hot seat now and there's a "lotta respect in the house tonight." Whatever that means. Harrison is in rare form tonight.
• Man! There is some passive aggressive stuff going down between Newnan and Graham right now. And I love all the muffled giggles from the females in the audience.
• They get an awesome shot of two dudes chuckling big time at one of Harrison's jokes. I'm a giant hypocrite, right? Right.
• So when Newnan scrunches her mouth to one side. Is that cute or not? I can't decide.
• Here comes Ryan piping up about something. Cat claws are out of control. "OCD. Obsessive compulsive DeAnna like my man Jeremy." We should put this guy on as a contestant on the next Bachelor.
• Somehow Graham works in another passive aggressive "I'm sorry." Good job.
• The bloopers montage was gold. And Harrison is knocking it out of the park this episode. Regarding Shawn's mullet: "Business in the front. Party in the back." Regarding Shawn's karate: "Do you think he actually trained in the Cobra Cai dojo?" Gold, Harrison.
• If Greg started running in my direction after ripping his shirt off, I'd be off the set as soon as possible. I do NOT want to hear the coyotes.

Well, that was another interesting and slightly painful 2 hours. Can't believe I'm not only still watching this show, but have a legitimate rooting interest in the finale. And I really have no idea who DeAnna is going to pick. The super smiley guy with the kid. Or the dude that can huck a rodeo at the drop of a hat. Another 2 hours and I guess we'll know. Harrison: "the most dramatic finale ever." There ya go, I guess.

P.S! Fred lands a date!!! Fred is awesome.

And finally, shamelessly, click on any of these little links below if you're so inclined. It'll maybe get a few new readers to the bloggy here. Onwards and upwards, ya know?

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My favorite horrible songs

So I've come across some songs in the past few years that are probably objectively horrible. But on the other hand they're fantastic and should be heard at least once by everyone.

Banana Phone by Raffi

This is a kid's song about a phone that is actually a banana. What's wrong with that? Just as reasonable of a song topic as a girl deciding to kiss another girl or a song about a girl who is bleeding love instead of blood. I first came across this song during a Halo montage video on youtube. I brought this up to my buddy Jono and he revealed that this song is wildly popular among gamers and he too had first heard it via a video game. Weird, right?

Just give it a listen and tell me you're not kind of into the line "ping pong ting tang ting tong donana phone." Listen here, but don't spoil the entry by listening ahead. Come back and read before rolling the other tunes.

Hot Drinks by ... Wendy's I think

This song was introduced to me by the podcast AudioCrush (iTunes link). (I was even in on episode #27 if you care to listen.) The concept behind the creation of this song is crazy enough. Let's write a song that teaches our employees how to prepare our hot drinks here at Wendy's. But let's not just write any song. "Let's write the preparation of hot drinks song in a sort of late 80s Ralph Tresvant style smooth hip hop. That'll get all our hot drinks to the customers in exactly the right way!" I mean, they really went ahead and produced this tune. This is not some manager and his guitar writing lyrics to the tune of "Mary Had a Little Lamb".

You really must listen so you can know how and when to "give the guest a juicy slice!" Also the banter before and after is the Audiocrush boys. I think their end reaction says it all.

Brass Bonanza by ... The Hartford Whalers (let's pretend)

This is the fight song of the hockey team that was once the Hartford Whalers. I was introduced to this song when a sports radio host was given cart blanche decision power over the song that one of his listeners would play at a wedding while the wedding party was introduced. This is the song he chose.

Give it a listen and just imagine how funny this song would be while being played at a wedding under any circumstances. Be sure to listen all the way through so you can here the break down. And then when they bring the horns back after the awesome drum break ... just gold. I honestly love this song and listen to it quite often. Way more often than the previous two tracks.

Casino Royale by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass

This song is gold. Try to fight it. I was introduced to this song by Will Forte's brilliant sketch below. He's much funnier than I could ever try to be so check it out -- well, amazingly, a full version of the sketch I was thinking of is nowhere to be found. I could only find a fragment of it so let me set it up. The idea is that Will Forte is the coach of a basketball team that finds themselves down by 40 points at half time. And Forte tells a story of when he was playing hoops and was in a similar situation. Forte's coach then put on a song to get them pumped for the second half. Forte puts the song on for his players and eventually leads to him doing this. The full sketch is so much better, but the Internet has failed me so have a look at this fragment:

Find more videos like this on www.truveo.com.

Or just rock the tune by itself here. Also, it's called Casino Royale because this was the theme song to the original James Bond Casino Royale movie. How could anyone associate this song with being a bad ass, lady killing spy?

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Deep analysis of candy packaging

I like marketing / advertising. I like candy. I like being snarky so I couldn't help but remark on the back of the box of Zours candy I purchased:

If you're scoring at home, the red on the far left is watermelon. The identical shade of red on the right side is cherry. So, if you want watermelon, pick a red one out of the box. If you want cherry pick a red one out of the box. See the difference? Me neither. I nominate this as the most worthless "candy legend" ever.

Also, check out the front:

So I guess these two are like the mascots of the Zours candy. And I think they're supposed to actually be ... Zours. And I think the logic the marketers had in mind is as follows:

1. Show some Zours eating actual fruit.
2. Show the Zours' reaction to real fruit as intensely sour.
3. This will make people assume that, since Zours themselves find normal fruit sour, humans will in turn find Zours sour ... like in bizarro world.
   
4. Right?

Wrong. I mean, I know Zours are sour because, well, they are sour. But I find the concept of Zours eating normal fruit and going all pucker-face to just be straight up bizarre. I don't like the idea of my candy eating its own food. Candy shouldn't have to eat food to sustain and it certainly shouldn't find normal food to be more intense than it really is. Candy should just wait around to be eaten by me.

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The Bachelorette Musings, DeAnna Meets the Families

Sup. Yes, I'm back. I figured I've come this far. Let the gradual erosion of my man card continue!

This week DeAnna will head home to meet the dudes' families. Some seem to call them the hometown dates. But not so fast! ABC has 2 hours to fill so they do a longish recap of each of the remaining dudes. Again with the 2 hours, ABC? I know it's summer and all, but there's something to be said for good, concise television.

• My one note from the recap - Jesse gave DeAnna the 3-step hand shake when he first met her. Now that's a dude right there.
• We're in Breckenridge! Gnarrrrrrrrrr! That jump was EPIC!!!!! Jesse's killin' it! Shred the gnar! Epic curl grind hip switch nut bolt! EPIC!!!!!
  
• Jesse actually said "DeAnna killed it." in the confessional. I love this guy. You're my boy, Jesse!
• He should kiss her while hucking a switch 520 fishbone. Ya knowwwwww!? Jerry!?!
  
• Newnan and Jesse just had a really long conversation. I didn't hear a word of it. I think they both said "big deal". Snooze fest. Get out there and shred the backbone split switch foot!!!!!
• The dude ends the segment by giving a piggy back ride while shredding. He killed it. He killed that piggy back ride!!! EPIC!!!
• Okay I'm done.
• Jesse says he hasn't kissed Newnan yet becuase he wants to build a strong foundationship to their relationship. Or something like that. I like rhyming.
  
• I'll say it. Jesse's house is very appealing to me. Lots of giant TVs. Lots of movies and such. Clean as hell. You're my boy, Jesse!
• Hey Jesse and Dad, stop talking about palm sweat. You're on TV.
• Bolo ties. Jesse's dad is gonna bring 'em back. Just look at how awesome that thing is.
  
• I like carriage rides cuz they give me a chance to sing the Beefarino jingle. I'm really keen-o on Beefarino. What a delicious cuisine-o. What? No Seinfeld fans?
• Jesse finally kisses Newnan. Dare I say ... killed it? Killed it.
• Onto what's his name's date. I honestly can't think of his name right now. Jeremy! That's it.
  
• Cool dog, dude. You're still a douche.
• Ugh. We're watching them look at pictures. Could this be more boring? (Yes, sometimes I morph into Chandler Bing. And yes, that's two 90s NBC comedy references in one bach blog.)
• I just fast-forwarded through the rest of their couch time. And even that took forever.
• Back from commercial ... and they're STILL on the couch talking. Enough!
• Finally the family arrives and saves me. Wait. Nevermind, I'm still super bored. This is the boring life you're in for, Newnan ... if you pick Jeremy.
• So, uh, like, Jeremy's bros didn't go with Jeremy on the day he got his gym membership or what? Or is he adopted? Is that what I missed when I fast forwarded?
  
• The 3 bros are talking and the physical difference among the 3 of them is all I can think about. I can see how the 2 bros look identical. But Jeremy is not even close to looking like them. Weird beard.
• Okay, there was a great moment as Newnan and the bros start talking. Crazy awkward moment as they all try to figure out where to sit. Roll it back if you can. One bro sits, stands, then sits again, then almost stands again ... but then settles in.
• Even I'm uncomfortable with how close the bros are sitting. You guys ever heard of a buffer?
• Did Newnan just say sweaty palms too? What the hell?
• This date is in Texas, right? That must be why Newnan is turning ON the southern accent. Ease back there, McConaughey.
• On to Jason's date.
• DeAnna, WTF. You don't know what the space needle is?
• Ok, seriously, really, DeAnna? Really? Space needle on a crappy Seattle day? Most beautiful view ever? Really? I can clearly see it's windy as all hell too. I don't appreciate non-ironic hyperbole, Newnan. I do not.
• The Jason/Ty reunion is too much.
• Side question: golf ball? Huh? Notice that Ty is not calling it the best gift ever.
  
• I have nothing funny to say about Jason's family. They all seem very nice and reasonable. And they don't have cat claws unlike Jeremy's bros.
• Wait, I spoke too soon ... the opa! circle and leap frog session just went down.
• I watch this during most of DeAnna and Dad's convo. Much more entertaining.
• And we're in Raleigh for Graham's date. We really could have done this in 1 hour instead of 2, ABC.
• Wait. Can I go somewhere to buy a high school basketball jersey from my high school? Will mine have a GIANT American flag on it? Go Firebirds!  And go America, too.
• Graham had his stupid hat in his back pocket this whole time? What is with that hat? Is there a story here we don't know about? Normal dudes do not have such an affinity for single articles of clothing.
• Another snoozefest of a family meet up. Except for when Dad says that DeAnna talks too fast for being from Georgia. I have no idea just what exactly that comment means, but I like it.
• So, when Graham and Newnan go sit on the bench, 2 questions. 1) Is Graham drinking a red bull and vodka? Good times. 2) What's your deal, Graham? You're weird.
• So does it mean anything that DeAnna chose 2 dudes that are only children and 2 other dudes with pretty good size families? No? Yeah, probably.
• Coming into the rose ceremony, DeAnna says "we're fixin' to go from 4 guys to 3." Fixin'? Fixin', Newnan? What the f, dude?
• Harrison, don't say "my man". 1) It's not you and 2) you're not scoring any points with Jesse. He knows who you are. We all do. You're not a "my man" kinda guy.
• Harrison addresses the dudes and says "One of you will be going home tonight. Well, technically all of you will go home tonight ... since the format of the show calls for you to go home and then individually fly to Georgia visit DeAnna's family, but, uh, you know what I mean." Or maybe he only said the first part.
  
• DeAnna's first short dress of the season. Hmmmm.
• Jesse AKA Sonny Crockett lands the first rose and lands a "you look great" whisper. You're my boy, Jesse!
• Weirdo Graham gets the boot and we all saw it coming.
  
• We have a world first. I think Graham just dropped a back-handed use of the phrase "more than welcome". DeAnna is "more than welcome to make it easier on [herself] by thinking that, but that's not true." Burn, Newnan. Burn.
• Man, this is some dramatic crap right here I'm pretty sure. Graham pulls a note out of his back pocket. And then says that she can either read it, throw it away or burn it. Any of those 3 will work, Newnan. Pick whichever one you like.
• Looks like she decided to read it. I was really hoping for burn it.
• Also I gotta say ... when he went to the back pocket, I really thought he was gonna pull out his hat at first.
  
• Also worth noting ... before the dramatic note drop, DeAnna said something like "It ends here. It ends tonight." You sure about that? You sure it doesn't end tomorrow? Or next week?
• I say good job, Newnan. That dude's a mess. Graham's a mess.

Next week, Jesse might actually choose to NOT forego his individual room. You're my boy, Jesse! Seriously, I can't wait.

And finally, shamelessly, click on any of these little links below if you're so inclined. It'll maybe get a few new readers to the bloggy here. Onwards and upwards, ya know?

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Kevin Garnett's Interview Freak Out

So, when the Celtics won last night, Michele Tafoya had the privilege of interviewing Kevin Garnett (see clip below). After screaming "Anything is possible! Anything is possiblllllllllllllllllllllllle!!!" like a mad man, he then went on to his shout out portion of the interview. I think this is what he said:

"This is for everybody in 'Sota. This is for everybody in Chicago. Vee vee! This is for everybody! South cape! Bashwood! My mama's Kleenex! See everybody online! On my mama! Hulk-a-mania, ma! Top of the world! Top of the world!"

That's what he said, right? You heard him, Hulk-a-Maniacs ... everybody online on KG's mama's Kleenex!

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The Bachelorette Musings, The Palm Springs Episode

Ok, so I'm a little bored and I feel like snarking (yeah, new verb meaning "to make snarky comments") about DeAnna's latest efforts on The Bachelorette. Plus, my ego is taking a hit as a result of my new lack of blog visitorship. Oh and I didn't even bother watching the "DeAnna Tells All" episode because I'm not really into listening to her talk.

Oh and before we get started with this episode, I must say that the last episode was pretty damn good. Great TV all around, but the one situation that needs to be discussed is how Newnan handled the 2-on-1 date. Do I even need to say it? She pulled a Big Swayze! She dropped them both! She even did a pseudo lap and a loosening of the tie before booting Fred. In her version though, she just got choked up and sorta took a breath. So here's my beef. I think if you asked her today about dropping both dudes, she wouldn't feel like she pulled a Big Swayze, but she totally did and that's what's so ridiculous. Just like Big Swayze, she didn't feel like she could commit to either of these individuals and so she let them go. And that's what she should have done. And that's what Big Swayze should have done. And he did. What's more ridiculous is that, in a few episodes, Fred won't have the opportunity to put Newnan on the hot seat in front of a crowd of angry men and say "I'm just confused" over and over again while Newnan just has to take it. Just admit it, Newnan. You now understand why Swayze did what he did. That's all I'm asking for. Wow, I guess I have some commentary on this season. I really didn't see that coming.

But really, all's forgiven considering the single tear that rolled down Sensitive Chef Bobbie's cheek in the limo. That was so so great. Probably the moment of the season for me.

Ok, onto the Palm Springs episode:

• At the start, Harrison says something like "It's down to 6 and that's pretty amazing considering where this started." I'm gonna go ahead and say no. Not amazing. In fact, it's about the most predictable and unamazing thing ever. Why? Because the format of the show dictates that we will most certainly at some point get down to 6 dudes. It's about as amazing as the fact that we'll have a new president in a few months. It's going to happen because there's a system in place to make sure it's going to happen. Stick to your rose count, Chris.
• Karate Kid's date ... what the hell? The dude gets virtually no one-on-one time for the first however-many episodes and all of a sudden he's a lock for the final 4? What the crap.
• Also, Newnan's response to Karate's saying "you're walking around with a loaded gun" about 8 times was great. "Yes. That's a good ... that's a good saying."
• Onto the group date ... what is the fascination with helicopters? I've been on one. It's a good time. They're fun, but they're not life changing.
• And moreover my worst nightmare has been realized: one on one time with Twilley. I've got my awkward sandwich right here all slathered with the super secret horrible joke special sauce and I'm ready to swallow it in one gulp. Huh. How 'bout that? Wasn't so horrible.
  
• I'll say one thing about this season's crew ... they f'ing LOVE pools! They're like Adam Sandler's character in that movie "Airheads" combined with a 9 year old that just moved from Minnesota to Arizona. (Reference not working? Fine, but check the number of houses with pools in MN vs. the number of houses with pools in AZ. I'm just saying they go in the pool a lot. Right?)
• This is an odd thing to say. I too am hoping that Jesse kisses Newnan today. How did he not make that move during the Beddingfield slow dance? I maintain that he's the only dude left and I'm pulling for him ... F, Jesse, you blew it. Chick was staring you down and you choked. And you don't even know you choked.
  
• Hey Graham, how 'bout you put on a backwards non-fitted hat and sorta cock it to the left? That'd be different. Wait. Is 'different' the word I'm looking for there? I don't think that's the right word. Also, your torso is freakish. There, I said it.
• I take time during Jeremy's date to fold some laundry. Yawn. Also, apparently Jeremy's feelings are real, genuine and actual. That's like the holy trinity of Bachelorette feelings. You throw in a little "opening up" and I think Newnan's all yours. Just marry each other already.
• Onto the rose ceremony ... so, uh, is DeAnna's hair naturally curly? Has she straightened every dang day? You girls have it rough.
• When Harrison said "there will be no cocktail party tonight", I figured there was a 60% chance he'd then say, "but there will be a POOL PARTY! HELL YEAH, GENTLEMEN!" And then he'd join them in the train cannon ball run into the pool.
• Twilley gets the boot. I'm happy. Especially considering his parting words to Newnan. Looks like I got a side of awkward potato salad with that sandwich.
  
• Karate Kid gets the boot. Respectable exit, too. Nice work, dude. And hey, you got a decent haircut out of the whole thing, too.

Next week, Jesse the MADE coach executes his skills with Newnan. Newnan's in the hot seat with Jeremy's family. Good times. OH! And a full on Newnan break down. Looks like I'm in it til the end on this season.

And finally, shamelessly, click on any of these little links below if you're so inclined. It'll maybe get a few new readers to the bloggy here. Onwards and upwards, ya know?

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I was on the radio

So I was driving from Tucson to Phx on Friday as part of my journey to San Diego for the "World Famous Mud Run" and I heard that Johnjay and Rich were looking for a contestant for movie trivia. I called 12 times and got a busy signal, but I got through on the 13th try and I ended up being the contestant for movie trivia.

Download and listen to it here.

Some tidbits ...

• Just a week before, I had been complaining to everyone about how bad the movie trivia contestants had been this summer. One girl didn't know the name of the movie featuring the character "Longfellow Deeds". Give me a break.
  
• When I first talked to Lindsey (the producer), she said she had someone else lined up, but wanted to put me on because I sound like I know movies. Also, apparently the background noise in my car was pretty bad at first, but Lindsey gave me a minute to try to work it out. Changing to my hands free headphones seemed to help. I guess my voice just exudes movie trivia knowledge.
• Lindsey gave me notes to "be cocky", sound really excited (hence all the "wooing") and "if you can't hear the audio clues very well, don't say they're hard to hear, just try your best"
• Can't believe I missed the "Cocktail" question. I'm sorry, TJ.
• I think "Meet the Parents" is one of the worst movies ever. I had no chance of getting that one right.
• If I had been behind Carrie, I would have won outright. She couldn't get "Obi Wan Kenobe"? That's the name of the guy reading us the questions! All of Johnjay's steals were ridiculous.
  
• As far as the prize goes, Lindsey took down my info and said someone would call me. No one has called yet.
  
• Update (6/18/08):  Someone called me and offered me free minor league baseball tickets or movie passes to an advanced screening of "Wanted".  I went for the movie tickets.  Pretty decent prize for not winning.

Let's talk about the gym one more time

Here's an addendum to a previous post I made ...

Let's talk about the people that refuse to leave their bag in a locker. They insist on lugging around their backpack or duffle bag from machine to machine, free weight to free weight. And I wouldn't find this so annoying, but they never actually get anything out of their bag during the workout. So the bag clearly has no purpose during the workout. What is so important about that bag that you can't leave it locked up in a locker or in your car?

Probably most importantly, let's talk about the guy that wears this shirt to the gym:


It says "Come Back When You're Hot" in case you can't read it. I mean, was he talking to me? If so, why do you think I'm at the gym, dude? Why do you think I'm at the gym? And furthermore, what happens if someone does approach him on say, 1/1/08, reads the shirt, heeds its message and then gets hot and then returns to see him on, say, 1/1/09 as a legit hottie. Let's assume he has that shirt on again. Isn't the girl immediately shunned again? All I'm saying is that the shirt seems to perpetuate a vicious circle that results in this guy never getting approached by anyone hot or not. And that seems to be the opposite of the effect I think this guy is hoping the shirt will have. Am I overthinking this one? I say nah.

The Bachelorette Musings, Episode 3

Okay, so I feel okay about posting this mostly because I watched The Bachelorette during the intermission breaks of the triple overtime hockey game. I'm all man, lady! Here are my random thoughts on DeAnna, Ron the weirdo, Jesse and all the others about 12 hours after I watched episode 3.

• Early on in the episode, someone said something like "Jeremy is doing his 'white on rice' routine" in reference to how Jeremy is behaving while living in the DeAnna house. I know I say this a lot, but this time I really mean it. I have no idea what that means. What is involved in executing a "white on rice routine"?
  
• The main trend with this group of dudes remains ... a lot of them really don't resemble dudes at all. Jesse, thank heavens for you. You're a dude. Keep holdin' it down, brah. You're killin' it! You're shreddin' the gnar epic-stylez!!
• Ron is a straight up weirdo. I had to fast forward through his convo at the end of the night. I'm glad you really like yourself, sir, because from here it seems hard to understand how anyone else will.
• Speaking of fast-forwarding, I couldn't handle DeAnna giving the boot to Richard Nye Science Guy. Again I had to fast-forward through this giant ball of awkwardness. I was literally covering my mouth and looking away from the TV before that.
• That is another overriding trend to this season: awkwardness. Awkwardness that I can't seem to disconnect myself from. I was giving myself little talks in my own head last night: "Next time it gets awkward, just know that you're in your living room and you're not a part of the mess you're watching on the glowing screen in front of you." And not only is it telling that I had to give myself such a talk, but then it didn't even work. I still fast-forwarded through Ron's final speech. Why does this awkwardness not exist during Bachelor seasons? I think there's a deep philosophical answer to be found by asking this question.
  
• Good job, Ellen. Thanks for making Fred's day ... cuz he has no chance of winning this thing. I love the dude, but he can't compete with the likes of Jeremy and Mr. Mom.
• Add to the list of not-a-chance-in-hell: Tall gray haired Brian, Karate Boy, the sensitive chef (really sensitive), Twilley.
• Holy crap, that reminds me, we didn't even get our normal dose of Twilley awkwardness. And I was still uncomfortable during 30% of the show. This show is just one big bowl of awkward.
  
• Newnan got rid of Paul? He was one of the other dudes in the house, girl. You're weening out all the dudes. At least you still seem to dig Jesse.
• Oh yeah, and Graham, put on a cowboy hat, dude. What the hell?
  

I guess that's all I've got. As I sort of predicted and as previous seasons have shown, The Bachelorette is just not as good as The Bachelor in general. And chalk on top of that a cast of women that sit in the outhouse and bitch about each other all day when they're not going on horribly awkward outings with DeAnna, I'm ready for the next Bachelor season already. Tell Jeremy to propose and let's move on.

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Let's talk about the gym

I spend a good 5-8 hours per week at the gym. I don't say this in order to get any kind of reaction because anyone who knows me knows that I pretty much eat like crap (I'm 28 and I really like candy. What.) and effectively counter act all the so-called work I do at the gym. I say this because that 5-8 hours is a weird combination of isolation and pretty much complete sensory overload. On the one hand, I have my head phones on/in and so does pretty much everyone else so there's not a lot of normal person-to-person interaction. And yet on the other hand, there's about a billion people at the gym when I'm typically there (5pm-ish) which is about a billion more people than I typically see during the rest of my week which is mostly spent in my office or at home. With all that said, I can't help but make some observations as I silently tap my fingers to Nineteen by Tegan & Sara on repeat while on the stair climber ...

Let's talk about the guys that wear those tight fitting Under Armour shirts. I mean, you dudes would pretty much rather be naked, right? If you could attend the gym in just your skivies in order to show off every inch of each bicep, tricep and pec, how happy would you be? They should have a clothes-optional gym just for these cats.

Let's talk about the people that really really use the mirrors. I think the main idea behind the full length mirrors is so that you can check your form on your given exercise. I don't think they're intended for you to check your complexion from 2 inches away. Do you know I can see you examining your face as though you're checking your sunglasses for scratches?

Let's talk about the ladies that wear their sunglasses all the way up until they get on their cardio machine of choice and sometimes even wait 'til they get it rolling. Are you hung over? It's not THAT well lit in here. Don't wear your glasses through the gym, all the way up the stairs and right up through choosing your speed on the treadmill. You look weird.

Let's talk about the dudes that don't wash their hands after using the restroom. Do I really need to say more here? Just cuz you're sweating doesn't mean I'm interested in sharing a barbell with your dirty friggin' hands.

Let's talk about the people that lock their arms on the stair climber. Or the people that get on the treadmill, set the incline to 99% and then pretend like they're water skiing? Isn't the idea of these cardio machines to imitate an actual exercise that you'd do outside while NOT on a machine? If so, I've yet to see a set of stairs where the guard rail moves and you can just hang on while moving your feet up and down. And I've never seen a running path or a hills course with a rope pull. Take your hands off those rails every once in a while.

Let's talk about the dudes that drop their 100 pound-plus free weights after a set. First of all, it scares the crap out of me. Second of all, you seem to be strong since you just did a nice little 10-rep set with those weights. How 'bout you continue your strength training by nicely lowering those weights to the ground before letting go?

Let's talk about people that are wayyyyyy too into their music while on the stair climber. This one guy at my gym pretty much has choreographed routines that he executes while virtually climbing 50 floors. First of all, props. You clearly have some coordination, dude. Second of all, though, come on, man. We're all just trying to get in, sweat our asses off in public while also somehow not reaking and get out. Do you have to make everyone around you uncomfortable?

Let's talk about the really really fit females that wear those spandex pants that also have belt loops. Really pronounced belt loops. But then they don't wear a belt. Where do they get those pants? And then why don't they wear a belt? Also, did they get first and then feel as though they earned the right to wear the pants? Or did the pants somehow give them the 'juv they need to take their fitness to the next level?

Let's talk about how absolutely none of the spinning class instructors appear on the surface to be in good shape. It's as though they permanently wear their Clark Kent sunglasses even while they're virtually going Superman as they spin like mad on max resistance for 2-4 hours a day. I honestly have yet to see a spinning instructor where you'd point at them in the mall and say "I bet he/she is a spinning instructor". Can't be a coincidence. What's going on here?

And finally, let's talk about listening to funny podcasts while working out. This is a personal problem (and a new one) for me. What can I say? I find Adam Carolla's rants to be really really amusing and I can't help but smile. And yet I feel compelled to sort of duck my head down and try to hide my smile. I guess my worry is that someone will see me snickering and think I'm snickering at them and/or inexplicably laughing at Nineteen by Tegan & Sara on repeat. Which would in turn be as weird as wearing my sunglasses way too long ... or wearing belt loop pants with no belt ... or choreographing my stair climbing. And I don't want to be that guy.

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