Fun with names ... and mustaches!

This one is for Lubs and any other GM2'ers that get it. Check out the match up of tonight's Yanks/Twins game.

Hee hee.

Also, this guy's name is funny when I say it in my head (click me). And while we're here, one of the auditioners on this season's So You Think You Can Dance is Vietnamese. And the poor guy's first name is Phucdat. Is there any salvaging this first name? I guess you can call him "Dat" which isn't so bad, but shame on those parents. Don't know how the kid made it through junior high with any semblance of self esteem.

And finally, speaking of mustaches, this guy is f'ing 12 years old. 12! His name is Sidharth Chand and he's 12. And he grows a 'stache like he's 20. And he took 2nd in the spelling bee this year. You can see all the words he spelled here. And you can see him in action by clicking the vid below.

Just look at that beaut. I bet Erin Andrews was sorta into him during the exit interview.

Please stop saying these words in this order

I've pretty much had enough of people saying certain phrases that have become extremely popular as of late. Either that or I just really hate them and notice them more than I should and hence they seem popular to me.

"At the end of the day"

Example usage:

• You know, we looked everything over and, at the end of the day, what matters to us is price.
• At the end of the day, it's hard for me to say I like any band more than the Pussy Cat Dolls.
• Look, at the end of the day, Manu Ginobili is a douche.
  

I understand the use of this phrase. My problem is that the people that use it seem to use it non-stop. I've heard people drop this phrase twice in the course of three sentences. How 'bout mixing in some totally acceptable synonymous phrases?

Acceptable alternative phrases:

• Bottom line
• Basically
• In summary

I'm a man that appreciates variety ... and is tiring of hearing about what happens and/or matters at the end of the day.

"If I'm being honest" and/or "I'm gonna be honest"

Example usage:

• If I'm being honest, Indiana Jones 4 was kinda weak.
• I'm going to be honest with you, it sounded like a whale singing karaoke at an underwater bar in 1964.
• I'm gonna be honest, Manu Ginobili is a douche.
  

I think I'm keyed into these phrases simply because I've been watching a lot of The Bachelor (who happened to be British this season) and American Idol (which features Simon who is also a Brit). Matt the Bachelor would declare his honesty at least twice an episode and by the end of the Idol season, it seemed like Simon felt the need to remind us he's not a liar before every judgment on every song. Why is such a declaration necessary? Is it now understood in our society that we're lying unless we explicitly say that we're not?

Acceptable alternative phrases:

• [Silence]
  

How about we do this? At the end of the day, I'm just gonna assume you're being honest whenever you talk unless I have strong reason to believe otherwise ... son of a B!

"It is what it is"

Example usage:

• Uh, I mean, uh, ya know, it is what it is.
• Der, um, ya know ... uh, well I mean ... it is what it is.
• Hi. I'm Manu Ginobili. My bald spot? Well, it is what it is.
  

This one is the worst. Because you're saying nothing. It's the newest hottest way to say "no comment" and cop out on answering something you don't want to answer. I can pretty much guarantee that Roger Clemons used this phrase when he didn't exactly apologize when it was revealed that he cheated on his wife often and over the course of years.

Acceptable alternative phrases:

• Come on, bro. Next question. [See Paul Lo Duca]
• I have no spine.
• I don't want to be honest here so ... [and then just trail off].

Let's work on not saying nothing when we say stuff. Okie dokes? Great.

P.S. Hi, Manu. You're the best.

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The saga continues

Well, I've decided it's best to probably not lead this girl on any more. She replied to my message about Olive Garden with the following:

And then, in my initial attempt at letting this thing fade to black, I wrote this:

We'll see how it goes from here.

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The Bachelorette Musings

Okay, f it. I'm watching The Bachelorette and I have opinions. I'm gonna go ahead and write about them. Hopefully if I do so while watching an NBA game, my man card won't be revoked entirely. Looking back on episodes 1 and 2 with DeAnna, here are my thoughts on The Bachelorette, Season 8 (I think?). Also, if you're just arriving, I've written a few words about The Bachelor over the last couple seasons. I have what you might call an obsession. I'd prefer not to call it that, but that's just me.

Kudos to Newnan for giving the boot to the personal trainer from NY on episode 1. You remember the, uh, "the coyotes" guy? The guy who ripped his shirt off. I mean, if that guy gets picked and then gets put in the house, he's gonna roid rage and punch through a wall or a human. His chest and back acne was out of control. Might as well have a giant back tat that says "I <3 'Roids".

Oh and let's give it up for that one guy who followed the tradition of drinking way too much and making an idiot of himself. He wasn't handing his undergarments to anyone, but he did ask engaged Jenni (gag me btw) to sit on his lap. Well played, brah.

Was it just me or were all of the initial 25 meet and greets the most awkward things ever? I could barely watch. Except for my boy from Chicago. His crazy accent and his "let me know if things get weird" and I'll come save you were great. And apparently enough to win both me and Newnan over. I was way surprised to see him get a rose.

Fun fact about everyone's favorite crazy jacket wearing snowboarder Jesse: he was the coach on an episode of MTV's show "MADE" where he taught a high school girl how to snowboard. He also gave her a quiz about snowboaring lingo. Do you think Newnan knows what it means to "shred the gnar"? Me neither.

My pick for an actually cool dude coming out of episode 1 is Chris from Texas. I really don't know what it says about me if I have a "pick" in the Bachelorette, but that's who I'm pulling for at this point.

Moving on to episode 2, I must ask: what is the point of the outdoor no-privacy shower for the men? Is that supposed to bring in female viewers? Or just make all the dudes feel really uncomfortable? I honestly don't know the answer.

I really dislike the karate guy, but I felt for him during his one on one time with Newnan and the "ghost piano". I really don't know if there's a way to handle a smart ass piano with grace while trying to impress a girl at a place like the Magic Castle.

Speaking of magic, did you see Ryan's (the 28 year old football playing virgin's) face when Newnan and Daddio (I can't remember his name at the moment) disappeared in that box. I really think he thought he just witnessed actual magic. "Illusions, Michael!"

Twilley bugs me. He is a walking ball of awkward. Whether he's telling the worst story ever in lieu of a magic trick or waiting for Newnan's date with Graham to end so that he can say pretty much nothing, he is not someone I'd ever want to hang with. You're a weird dude, Twilley.

However, in his defense when Ryan accused him of being insincere ... uh, what the hell does that mean? Ryan is an even weirder dude than Twilley. I believe he said he thought he was the most sincere guy there. Question 1: there are levels of sincerity? Question 2: how does one rank people in order of sincerity? What do you base it on? I'm guessing it has something to do with how often you use the phrase "faith, family and football". The "3 F's" if you will. I hope you lose, Ryan. And quickly.

Oh yeah, hey Greek guy. We get it. You're Greek. A lot of us saw the movie about how large and obese your weddings are. It sounds great. You have no chance of landing one with Newnan.

Let's talk about bro time, cat claws and the "frontrunner". This is NOT The Bachelorette I used to know. From what I remember of previous seasons, The Bachelorette = one dude or a group of dudes go on a date while the rest stay home and have a keg party and bro out. There's no calling your kid or bitching about who the frontrunner is or telling someone he's being too competitive. As far as bros go, this group of dudes are chicks. Bros don't have cat claws like these guys seem to. Less frontrunner talk, fellas. More keg stands and doing horrifying things to the first guy that falls asleep.

Jesse can do 98 push ups? WTF? Extreme sports representing, fools! Extreeeeeeeme!

Finally, who else is completely refreshed by the slight change to the phrase "Gentleman, DeAnna, this is the final rose tonight. When you're ready ..." Way to roll with the punches, Harrison.

F, Chris got the boot. He seemed to be the only funny one. Let's go Fred from Chi-kah-go.

Is Ryan one of the most hateable dudes alive? "Voted friendliest in 8th grade?" "Most genuine person I know?" "Can't fit a square in a circle?" Good luck making the AFL, dude. But not really.

Oh yeah, and Newnan is still weird. How can you know that your husband is in a group of 10 dudes, but just not know which dude it is. That's a weird outlook, right?

And finally, shamelessly, click on any of these little links below if you're so inclined. It'll maybe get a few new readers to the bloggy here. Onwards and upwards, ya know?

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This may be getting out of hand

So, in my last post, I introduced you to this girl who randomly messaged me on MySpace asking if we dated. Apparently my blog and my 2,600 pictures on Flickr weren't enough to help her deduce if she dated me or not.

Well, there's been some correspondence since ...

And then I said ...

And then she said ...

!!! I mean ... !!! If anyone knows me, Chili's is about as nice a restaurant as I can muster. Seriously, though, she always thinks about me? This might be getting out of hand. I'm wondering at this point if I should just let this thing fade away. And then before I could even respond, she drops another one on me ...

What is going on here? Let's assume for a second that we had dated. What kind of weird conversation is this? She doesn't remember what happened, but she's sorry? So, in summary, she doesn't remember me (obviously), she doesn't remember what restaurant we went to, and she doesn't remember ... pretty much anything. What exactly spurred her to think I was who she's thinking of at all? With a memory like hers, she could know everyone on MySpace. And gone to a nice restaurant with all of them. And then made all of them mad. And felt bad about that.

Well, taking into account that I might be a horrible person, I chose to continue to play long with this ...

That's where we're at. More fuzzy memories to come ... I gotta assume.

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I Love MySpace

So I got this message via MySpace today:

Keep in mind of course that my profile currently shows and says a lot about me including links to my blog, twitter, facebook account and about a billion pictures of me on Flickr as well as the following:

Is it really that hard to discern whether or not you've dated me? I can say for certain that not only have we not dated, but we've never even met. However, I can't help but play along with this case of mistaken identity a little longer. I couldn't help but respond with the following:

We'll see how this goes. Hopefully there's more to come.

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iTunes Registry is back

If you love stats as much as I do (insert whatever nerd joke you like here) and you also use iTunes, head over to iTunesRegistry.com, sign up and see what stats your library has been recording all this time.

After you upload your library file, you get a home page like this one (click here) and you can learn some crazy stats like these:

• Total listening time - mine is 344.07 days!
• Total play count for your whole library - mine is 112,488

It then also breaks down your stats by artist, album and track like below. Yes, my John Mayer man crush continues to reign supreme.

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The Bachelor Diaries, Week 9, The Finale

Well, it's finale time. We've come so far ... or have we? Does anyone else feel like nothing really happened this season? I think we could sum up this season by saying a) everyone hated Robin, b) Marshana is mad, and c) little 22-year old Shayne Lamas has this thing in the bag. Right? Or maybe that's not the right way of looking at it. Maybe it's that Chelsea does not have it in the bag. Let's not forget that, up until she stripped down, she was being out-dated by a turtle. A sea turtle at that. So let's watch this thing play out. And I suppose that, if Chelsea wins, well then, Matt will have beaten out Big Swayze after all cuz it will be the most surprsing finale in Bachelor history. Eat it, Harrison.

Oh and I should probably mention that this is a now recurring segment (renewed for a 2nd season!) where I watch the glory that is the ABC reality show The Bachelor and then record my snarky comments about the episode onto this here blog thingy. That's all there is to it. With that said ...

• I almost forgot. This episode features meet the Rosy Reds. You think they all walk funny like him?
• Matt says "possibilities are endless with Chelsea?" Is that a compliment if you're a lady? Clearly if he said possibilities are not endless, that'd be an anti-compliment of sorts, but aren't the possibilities endless with every girl you're considering marrying? Am I overthinking this? Probably.
  
• Knee jerk reaction: I'm a big fan of Tony. Tony the Dad. Mr. Rosy Reds if you will.
  
• Glowing review from Chelsea as she describes her relationship with Matt: "Wow, this guy's somebody I want to get to know." I think the turtle could provide a better compliment by just slowly moving its flipper.
• Boooooooo. Chelsea and Mum are boring. More Tony!
• Matt and Chelsea exchange a "honey" and a "baby" and that's that. Apparently it all went really well according to Matt. I really hadn't noticed it going one way or the other.
• Oh crap. 2 hour Bachelorette premiere with Newnan next Monday. I really don't know what to do.
• Shayne arrives and, on the bus ride, we get a nice shot of [gasp] intertwined hand holding. Not looking good, Chelss. Not lookin' good.
• Tony! Tony speaks! She's 22, Tony. Good question, sir.
• Is there something to be taken from the fact that they switched sides for dinner? Chelsea and Matt sat on stage right. Shayne and Matt said on stage left.
  
• They're dropping my favorite somber music during Shayne's one on one with the brother. Call me confused. What is this supposed to mean?
• I'll gloss past another boring Mom conversation and say ... dang, Shayne, that is an f'ing HUGE watch. Wow. Quite the giant time piece you've got there.
• Tony picks Shayne! Tony picks Shayne! Tony picks Shayne! Tony picks Shayne! Woo hooooooo! Tonyyyyyyyyyy! I like Tony.
• Back to Barbaydawssss? Seriously? Oh! Maybe Rosy Reds decided he likes the turtle after all.
• What the hell? Did Matt and Chelsea just greet each other with a high ten? Marry that girl, dude. There's only so many girls that are down with the high ten.
  
• "Tonight is my last night tooooo ... really slut it up with Matt," says Chelsea. Wait, that's not what she said. She said something else.
  
• Wow, okay, so Chelsea just said a lot ... but pretty much said nothing. And then, clumsily threw a hail mary by saying "My whole thing is ... so I'm falling in love with you. Absolutely. 100%." Chelsea's really good at expressing herself.
• Matt then returns Chelsea's sentiments (huh?) before kissing her on the tip of her nose. Holy crap, Matt actually likes her. I fully don't get it.
• Shayne comes in with the monkey hug. That's how you do it. No high tens. Honestly.
• Matt gets in his trademark "how cool is that?" at the thought of parasailing. I can't believe that I STILL miss Big Swayze.
• Also worth noting ... both Chelsea and Shayne said "are you serious?" in response to their respective helicopter and parasailing rides. Yes, ladies, Matt's serious. He's a very serious fellow.
• Is Shayne's present her flower? Stop building it up. What the hell is it? Oh. It's a photo of Shayne writing "LOVE" in the sand. Pretty good I guess. She really had me thinking it was something else, though.
• How many hours per day does Matt wear a zip up only for his top? Seems like he's over the average for your typical male.
  
• It's time for the getting-ready montage. Lips are pouty on both sides. Shayne goes with yellow. Chelsea goes with white or off white or some shade of white.
• Chelsea's the first out of the limo. I wonder if Chelsea just fell in love with Harrison considering that 30 seconds of arm linking on the walk over. Harrison knows how to charm 'em.
• Rosy Reds starts off positive. Not a good sign, Chelss. Here comes the "but".
• Sorry, Chelss. Suxors, dude. How 'bout you make some eye contact here? Nah? Nah. Okay. Fine.
• Hand holding on the way out. You've come a long way, Chelsea.
• Woah! Chelsea calls Shayne "the falsest person here." Nice last jab, but dang Matt fires back with a "then you don't know me." Ouch.
• Chelsea says in the limo maybe she was too honest with Matt. Good call. Maybe she should have been falser.
• Let's recap Shayne's emotions during her walk with Harrison: Nervous - check. Sad - check. Scared - check. Anxious - check. Worried - nah. A little worried - check.
• Also she gets in her final trademark 3. Words. Consecutively. With Pauses. Between. Each. One. "Matt holds Every. Single. Quality. That I want in a husband."
• Again with the switcharoo. What's the deal? Matt goes stage left for the proposal after being stage right for the rejection.
• Shoot me in the face. I feel like a woman for watching this right now. The dude just said "There's been kisses. There's been monkey." Gah.
• Shayne's "Matt!" as he drops to one knee is too much for me. I'm not happy with the TV viewing choices I've made in my life right now.
  
• "Monkey, will you marry me?" This show is horrible. I kinda hate myself right now.
• Oh! Oh Big Swayze. Oh I feel so much better. Oh just look at him setting up Newnan for the biggest fall of her life. Man, that guy knew what was up. He couldn't bother with any of this "Monkey, will you marry me" crap. He's too busy running drugs and being a pimp in the back of his 4 bars in Texas. I miss ya, Swayze!
• I honestly feel totally redeemed after that Swayze montage. Deep breath. And we're back.
• Fine. I'll say it. Newnan looks pretty damn good.

Well, there ya have it. I guess they're skipping the reunion in favor of Newnan's premiere. Matt had to go for one of the 10 22-year olds he had in the running. Congrats to you, Lamas. You're in love and Matt loves you back. I couldn't be more ... unsurprised. Remember this, Matt. When you're married to Lamas, Lamas is also your father in law. That's gonna factor in here somewhere down the line. Oh and I just remembered Shayne's mom. Maybe you should have gone with the arm linker, Matt. Or the turtle. 'Til next time, y'all.

And finally, shamelessly, click on any of these little links below if you're so inclined. It'll maybe get a few new readers to the bloggy here. Onwards and upwards, ya know?

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The Bachelor Diaries, London Calling, Week 8, The Women Tell All

Well, it's that time. It's time for the women to tell all. If I'm being honest, I have no doubts. I really think all will be told. Oh and I should probably mention that this is a now recurring segment (renewed for a 2nd season!) where I watch the glory that is the ABC reality show The Bachelor and then record my snarky comments about the episode onto this here blog thingy. That's all there is to it. With that said ...

• Recap highlights. Meeps saying "like" 18 times among calling Matt a douche bag to his face. Matt's Probst shirt. Seeing the turtle ... one last time.
• Harrison brings his game early. He's calling out the finale as the most romantic finale ever.
• Ever notice how Harrison always calls it a "special edition of The Bachelor: The Women Tell All"? Let's be honest like Rosy Reds would want us to be. It's the standard edition of "The Women Tell All". Case in point right here.
• Harrison's facial expressions during his ridiculously long intro are awesome. It goes on so long that all I can do is look at some blurry woman behind him who seems to be wearing a leather baseball cap. You're on TV, woman. Baseball cap?
• Quick reactions to the ladies. Amy: who? Erin H.: ugh. Kelly: drunk I hope. Michele R.: who? Holly: swoon. Ashlee: hate remains strong. Noelle: well, hello there, Noelle. Call me. Meeps: meep!
• Marshana considers Rosy Reds to be in "great excellent physical condition"? She actually considers Matt to be beyond that? Is she approaching Tom Cruise bat $#@& crazy?
  
• OMG. I just remembered Stacy ... the panties girl. She is atrociously ugly. One way ticket to hell? Me? Yep. Got it.
• Holy crap, I'm laughing. They just dropped a new quote from Stacy on night one: "They're all whores. I'll f___ing kill them all and their own families." And then she sorta ducks and laughs. How has this girl shown her face anywhere to anyone ever? Ever? Her life is dunzo, right?
• Look, people. Erin H. is smart. Okay? And she wants you to know that by how well-spoken she is. When trying to say that she felt the need to let Stacy know that her actions were not appreciated on that first night, she went ahead and said it like this: "I just felt like it was somebody's place ... to put her in hers." Specifically, it was Erin's place to put Stacy in Stacy's place. Everybody get that? Don't worry about it. Just know that Erin H. is smart.
  
• Dude, Harrison. He asks Stevie Nicks if she's ever handed out her underwear a la Stacy. Stevie says no. Harrison says "ever?" Was he really expecting a yes the first time he asked? The second? I guess we know who Harrison will be leaning towards when last call comes around later on tonight.
• Uh oh. Time for the drama montage. I'm cringing heavily thanks to Marshana and Ashleelee.
  
• Nothing like some DrunKelly and some CCC (chronic crying confessional) time from Robin to make me smile.
• So, it's gonna be me? I'm the one that has to ask? Fine. What the crap is Robin wearing? Is it some crazy modified gaudy Christmas sweater turned dress?
• I'm still amazed that Robin is 22. Especially when she says she's been hurt more by women than by men in her seemingly long and constantly emotionally intense life.
• Harrison goes back to Kelly. I really think I'm onto something here. Sadly I don't think she's drunk. I recommend remedying that if you want to get in there, Chris.
• Marshana's in the hot seat. Wee! I can't help but laugh again when she says " ... [dramatic pause ... squeaky voice] ... I really do like Matt." Great moment, Marsh. Not to be out done though by "Walk awwff! Walk awwff! Walk awwff! Walk awwff! Walk awwff!"
• Okay, so Marshana has just said a whole bunch of ... absolutely nothing. She has said nothing for about 60 straight seconds now. But then she said this: "It's a mathematical improbability in life that everyone is going to like me." Count me amongst the majority??? I guess? Whichever one puts me outside of her crazy non-stop talking camp.
• More Kelly! More Kelly! More Kelly! Harrison goes BACK to the well. The dude's intended target is clear.
• Fun fact for everyone: Rosy Red's "charm and sense of humor captivated the women AND America." So says Harrison.
• More crack interviewing skills from Harrison. He tells Meeps he "thinks" she was shocked when she didn't get a rose moments before the Meeps montage quotes her "I'm shocked. I am shocked." He's a feeler, that Chris. He's clearly very extroverted.
  
• Well, since Meeps' interview is so drop dead boring, let's give it up for Noelle. She's had no play tonight. At all. But if I was Harrison, I'd be directing my questions at her. Ya know what I'm saying? Ya knowwwwwww?
• Now it's time for the literal meeps montage. I do not envy that condition.
• Anyone who had .8 seconds in the "How long til Rosy Reds drops an 'honest' on us?", you win. We get it, dude! You don't lie often.
• Also, I think Matt's been reading the blog. He's trying to distract us from his rosy reds with a 5 o'clock shadow and a shaved head. I'm not fooled, sir.
• He drops another 'honest' on us! Why am I so damn annoyed? "I can only just be honest with you," he says to Meeps. Check it out, bro. From now on, I'm just gonna assume everything you say til the end of time is the truth. How 'bout that?
• Stacey is insanely unlikeable. And so is Marshana. I'll be happy to never see/hear them again.
• I got some seriously genuine laughs from the outtakes montage. Shayne's never ending fall down the stairs is very replayable via DVR. As is Marshana's full on clothesline.
• I honestly don't try to bitch about the commercials, but I can't help it. Tonight on local Tucson news, they're doing a story on who is responsible for cleaning up the little shards of glass and headlight plastic after car crashes. Read that again. How. Is this possibly. Worth anyone's time? Just show the test bars for half an hour and we'd all be better off.
• Oh! Big Swayze flash back! Oh snap! 2 weeks from tonight! Newnan is back as the Bachelorette. Pardon my language, but ... honestly, can I really maintain any hope of being viewed as testosterone-having male if I do a running commentary on The Bachelorette? but it's Newnan! Gah! I'm torn in a Natalie Imbruglia kinda way. Oh yeah. 1997. What up.
• Just when I thought it was over ... they show me the turtle again! It's just too painful at this point. You're cruel, ABC. So many memories. All for naught.
• Who else saw Robin's get-me-the-f-outta-here slow clap as Harrison thanked the girls? This is why no one likes you, Robin.

Looks like the finale will be a doozy. L-bombs are being dropped like crazy. And Harrison says it all: "the most Romantic moment in Bachelor history." It's not gonna top Big Swayze's double gut punch for me personally, but clearly I'll be happy to watch Lamas take it home in her not-so-great yellow dress.

Is it possible to have a deep thought about the chick that can bite into an aluminum can? Because I don't think it's a skill. I really imagine that most people's teeth are sharp and strong enough to do that. I just think that Carrie is the only person to bother trying such a thing, much less trying it twice on national friggin' television. Okay, I'm out.

And finally, shamelessly, click on any of these little links below if you're so inclined. It'll maybe get a few new readers to the bloggy here. Onwards and upwards, ya know?

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Mustache Challenge 2008 Results

On our recent Lake Powell houseboat trip, a challenge was issued. Specifically a mustache challenge. Click here for the initial post. Here is the story of the challenge.

The Players

Dave	Unable to make the trip :(
Luke
Ando
Jono
Scott
Grant
Jake
Dad/Gib
Trent
Mario and Luigi		Just kidding

As you can see, hard facial hair labor was put in by all and the fruits of such labor were as follows. Drumroll, please.

The Awards

Mustache that is ...
Most likely to write you a ticket	Honorable Mention	Winner
Most likely to appear in a 70s porn	Honorable Mention	Winner
Most likely to offer your kid candy	Honorable Mention	Winner
Stache that should ...
Be shaved immediately aka worst stache	It's a tie!
Never be shaved aka most legit stache	Honorable Mention	Winner

And finally, what we've all been waiting for, the results for ...

Favorite Mustache

2nd Runner Up
1st Runner Up
Champion!

And if you can't get enough, plenty more mustache shots to be found here (click me).

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