The Bachelorette Musings: Ali and Man Drama in Turkey

Well it's time to go to Turkey, get greased up and wrestle and of course find out which one of these weirdos has a girlfriend that would allow him to go on The Bachelorette of all reality shows. It's occurred to me that this season hasn't really been about Ali at all. Each and every story line has been about the dudes. Let's see if Ali can carry the show beyond her ridiculous establishing shots now that Bubble is gone.

• "I don't think anything could go wrong at this point." I see what you did there, editing team.
• It's never good when when something is brought to Harrison's attention. He bats 1.000 when it comes to bad news being associated with "attention."
• This is some gripping TV here. We just watched Harrison check the dial tone, dial all 17 numbers and then listened to the phone ring six (6!) times before Jesse picked up. I was worried about how they were going to stretch this into 2 hours before the ep started. I am no longer worried. Can we at least turn the next phone dialing sequence into a montage of some kind? A phone operation montage.
• "Jesse, hey. Chris Harrison. ... I'm good. Well actually I'm not that great. We just burned 30 seconds of air time on executing this call and it is beyond awkward. ... What? Oh yeah, we should probably move onto the reason we called. 2 hours is a LOT of time to kill, ya know!? Okayyyy, here's Ali."
• Oh, Rated Injured. How could you do this to me? More importantly, how could you do this to all 9 of the studs on Bubble's arm -- er, on the show that trusted you and stuck up for you? Oh wait.
• The non-verbal shots of Harrison are fantastic.
• Also does Ali seem almost excited about this? Her tone of voice is way off.
• I was joking about actually learning who the girlfriend is and what her motives were/are. WTF is going on? We're talking to Inj's girlfriend? And she's revealing that everything everyone suspected about him is true? This season is beyond weird.
• Inj has Ali, a 2-year girlfriend and a 2-month girlfriend. He's Rated R!
• I like that Jesse and the girlfriend's footage was shot on a Flip Mino without a tripod.
• Hearing all this news: pretty good. Harrison saying "sorry" and then clearing his throat awkwardly: priceless.
• Time wasting via network television lesson #2 - hall walking montages kill a good minute and make for a great bump in.
• Kiiiiinda into the Valley Girl speech that Ali laid down. Also into how Inj handled it. "Well! I'm boned. Later, y'all!"
• Cancel that. Didn't realize he had no plan for what to do when he left the hotel. "Uh. Ah. Damn, this restaurant isn't open yet and apparently there are no side walks in Turkey so looks like I'm gonna have to plow through this shrub and scale this fountain. This is exactly how I figured I'd go out."
• I think we already knew this, but there's no way Justin makes it as a wrestler after this. Lying/acting is pretty important in the sports entertainment world. Justin is out on more than just this show.
• Ty and Ali are on a date. That is all.
• Frank! The last of the crazies. Save us from this horrible date, dude.
• I haven't considered writing a comment for 20 minutes. What we have here is 2 semi-normal people on an innocuous and completely unremarkable date. I'm dreaming of phone dialing montages with Harrison.
• The guys to Ali in the castle: "Put down your hair." Ali: "It won't reach." This is your bachelorette, America.
• This is your first time wrestling covered in olive oil, Chris? I always knew you were a weirdo.
• Let's hear it for Craig. The last non-chiseled bachelor standing. And he wins the olive oil wrestling competition to boot. Lawyered.
• I know what would allow Frank to cool out and relax coming into this group date. A nice, relaxing, soothing date card. Something along the lines of "Frank, the road to love is BIZARRE. Ali." Most ominous date card ever. Might as well have said "No rose for you."
• What just happened? Is Ali and Frank's date over yet? I fell asleep.
• I was snapped back to life when they previewed "Bachelor Pad!" Is it August 9th yet?
• Ali actually likes Frank? I didn't see that coming.
• Roberto wears a necklace over his shirt in his head shot? Hhhhhuh.
• I'm meant to believe that it was Ali's idea to go straight to the rose ceremony? Anah. Anah, producers!
• "Gentlemen, I know you were surprised there was no cocktail party. Chris from Cape Cod, I know you were surprised to find out your street shoes look stupid with that suit. I've had enough. I've had enough of this casual Friday routing on elimination night! Is nothing sacred any more!?" How much would I kill to have Harrison spice things up right about now?
• Uh, later Craig. You can't hypo love I guess, dude. (Little joke for all the 1L's out there.)

Thank the lord for "this season on The Bachelorette" redux cuz this episode was abismal. My hope is that Frank has a girlfriend. And it's the same girl that Justin was 2-timing Jessica with.

The Bachelorette Musings: Ali and Man Drama in Iceland!

As Bjork would say ... Greetings, Narlax. Repeat after me, everyone: vörður og vernda hjarta sér. Yeah, that's right. That says "guard and protect her heart" in Icelandic. The Bachelorette Blog is good for one thing if nothing else: cold hard knowledge, people. Now let's all watch Bubble Throat be a man ... be a man for that woman.

• Remember that kids game? Don't step on the floor - the floor is lava. Iceland is where that game is real. The lava is lava.
• You know what's hilarious? When Harrison says "love poem." You all have the worst nervous laughs ever.
• Guess which guy in this crew wears fingerless gloves? Bubble, that's who. Purple ones.
• Extra credit for Icelandic words? Just point them to this blog and it'd be in the bag.
• Either I just blacked out or Chris N actually said words out loud that were captured on film, edited into a piece and then aired on ABC.
• Over/under on number of times Bubble says "heart" on this episode: 51.5. I would count, but it would honestly annoy me too much.
• How far away did Ali run from during her intro to the love poem segment? She rocked a full speech before arriving.
• Body language from everyone involved in this segment: colder than sasquatch balls.
• Hey Chris N, probably shoulda kept that speechless streak going there, duder.
• What episode are we on? How does it always take 5 contestants before someone realizes they should interact with Ali during the competitive bits? Ya know, rather than standing 15 feet away from her and squinting/freezing/forgetting your lines.
• Hey Ali, don't say what I just said about approaching you during competitions.
• Ok, Kirk, you seem to be the only normal dude here. I'm actually kinda curious/interested in how this date goes.
• Same outfit, huh? Well here's to being in the moment. Cuz out of the moment, y'all look goofy.
• Kirk hasn't dated someone for more than a year ... and neither have I. Maybe I'll learn something later in the date the same time Ali does ... besides what I've already learned: don't wear the same outfit on a date that's being taped and televised.
• Group date announcement time. 1) Chris L said "numero uno" when he said Roberto's name first. I see what you did there. 2) Inj vs. Bubble? This is like Kobe vs. Lebron. 1st team all outcast vs. 1st team all (heart) defense.
• Time to bitch about commercials: did the guy doing the voice-over promos for Wipeout win a contestant for most annoying voice?
• I was only half paying attention during Kirk's dinner, but I'm pretty sure it played out exactly like an episode of House. Introduction to character -> explanation of symptoms -> multiple failed attempts at diagnoses and treatments -> turns out it's something ridiculously simple based on the character's environment -> almost instantly cured.
• Bubble's deep-seeded belief in his tattoo didn't even last a full episode. He's already regretting it. Awesome. Way to stick to your guns, Bubble.
• Did anyone notice the throw away line where he said he likes physical pain? Really killing it with those rose choices, Ali.
• If I were a betting man and we could put Ali on a lie detector, I would bet on the fact that Ali is really not having a good time in Iceland. Her face while waiting for the guys holding 5 horses on a glacier ... well the term overjoyed didn't come to mind.
• "First horseback riding, now we're going into a cave. What's next, playing with snakes?" Yep, Chris L, that's what's next. A little snake play. Huge snake population in fugging Iceland!
• Inj vs. Bubble grows even more epic. Now that Inj's crutch walk has been out done with the heart guard tattoo, it's time for him to venture out and do something sneaky. This is why this match up is so crazy. It's not enough that they're the first two guys to actively do things during non-dates to get an edge ... Inj has now done so twice in a season!
• I'm pretty sure throwing away those crutches was a waste. I could be wrong but I'm guessing those things are pretty easily reused by the next injured person. Hopefully Ali's not into recycling.
• Sorry, just had to take a major break. It was taking all I had not to finally dive into the new iPhone software and folder-ize all my $#!*. I feel better.
• Blue lagoon segment ... I'll give it up. Ali did her homework.
• I know this show is now a national treasure and a world wide success, but the group dates at this stage in the season remain a little creepy. Bunch of dudes waiting around to have their time to make out with Ali.
• Frank, you're losing ground, you've got Ali in a bath robe alone and she's clearly suuuuuuuper tipsy. Eyes on the prize, dude. Aaaaaaand you didn't even make a move? Choke city, man.
• We're back in the hot tub and Ali is nothing short of trashed. Good times.
• Better times - Days of Our Lives maintains his vow of silence since the love poem segment. Good call, Chris N.
• Ali is approaching "I'm fine" drunk. That drunk where if you ask the person a simple question or even just let the silence hang for a second, they're sure to blurt out "I'm fine." at least 2 or 3 times in a row. I'm ... I'm fine. I'm fine.
• Commercial commentary: this rookie cop show is gonna suck. If you want to go throwback, check out The Shield or The Wire for a good cop show. Something current - Southland.
• I think Bubble just wished for Ali to say "Kick rocks, dude." Can we talk to Harrison about reversing the entire rose process so she says "kick rocks" to everyone she wants to boot instead of giving out roses to those she wants to keep? "Gentlemen ... Ali ... this is the final rock tonite. Kick it when you're ready."
• There are too many Bubble quotes for me to keep up with. "The wrestler would probably break his other leg to get a rose." And that's worse than getting a tattoo for a rose how?
• "I mean what I say ... and when I say I mean what I say ... well, I'm proving that I would do anything including tattooing my body and go through any amount of pain to find love here with Ali." Except for breaking my leg. That kind of pain is not a good pain. It's a pain that says "kick rocks, Ali. I'm here for me. I'm here to put on a show." Tattoos on the other hand ... totally sensible, level headed, perfect-foundation-for-the-start-of-a-long-healthy-relationship pain. My logic is flawless. I am Bubble Throat.
• More gold sandwiched by the shots of Bubble sitting alone in the snow and coughing pathetically: "I'm just gonna be myself and I'm gonna have fun and I'm gonna do what I do best and that's just be myself and just be who I am." Score it at home. That's 3 "I'm's" and 3 "gonna's" all strung together with 4 "and's" and finished with "be who I am." He's nothing if not well spoken. And he didn't even mention "heart" once.
• The best foreboding in any reality show ever is finally executed. "The only thing Kasey has to do today is be normal." Let's get him to plug the oil leak while we're at it. Topical!!
• Ali's smile after Bubble's explanation of the tat: "I am going to smile and say whatever I need to say to get the hell out of here without being kidnapped."
• You know what people say a lot and really fervently when they're not nervous and very confident with an interaction they just had with a chick? "Exactly!"
• You know how you know you're crazy? When the Bachelorette tells you that you're not getting the rose rather than giving the other guy the rose ... "I'm gonna give Justin the rose."
• This is all just too easy. "I just don't know where I went wrong," says Bubble as a helicopter lifts off with the woman he's meant to be a man for with his arch enemy "The Wrestler."
• Nice job by Injured playing his douche card at the end. "2 roses. 1 to Justin and 1 to Rated R!"
• Onto the cocktail party ... if Ali kisses Frank and then doesn't give him a rose, all time pantheon moves.
• Ali: "Chris N, if I were to ask you one thing that I don't know about you that would surprise me ..." Chris N: "That I have vocal chords."
• Again Kirk nails the behind the scenes comedy: "brunch once a year."
• This just in: Days of Our Lives is a mute AND totally delusional. I've never seen someone more likely to get the boot. Kick rocks, Chris N.
• I was jerked away from ignoring the Harrison / Ali interview by the silence filled with his ridiculous look and ever so slight head nodding while waiting for Ali's response. You're a weird guy, Harrison.
• My money is on the following rock-kicker: Chris N no question. But Craig would be out too if she was booting two. (Fun with homonyms.)
• Aaaaaand the final 2 men without roses confirm my premonition.
• Bingo. And would you believe it? No exit interview. Just a walk to the car.
• Oh wait, he blows his season long word count out of the water in the limo expressing feelings I didn't know a guy who wasn't even on the show could have.
• Did Ali just say "supposably?" Uggggh.

We'll see you in Turkey next week, sports fans. And we find out if it's Roberto or Kirk that has a girlfriend back home. You really know how to pick 'em, Ali.

iPhone 4 ordering process

This about sums up the iPhone 4 ordering process so far.

The Bachelorette Musings: Ali and Man Drama - Episode 4

First things first. Zach reminded me that Bubble Throat has a second great nick name. Wocka as in ... wocka wocka! (Side note: what are the chances!) Onto another 2 hours of men not acting like men ... in New York!

• How early does Harrison wake these guys up? Cuz some of them look like death. There's no way it's earlier than 10am ... which confirms that these guys should be enjoying sleeping in every day, working out and then maybe going on a date or staying home and drinking beer and bbq'ing. What are they doing instead? Taking every chance they can to start shit.
• I just ran back the close up shot of the tattoo knuckle guy working the hair dryer three times. Was I supposed to take something from that? Is this an episode of Lost?
• Wocka's lame double peace sign for the Flip camera reminded me of this. His ideal first date involves horseback riding and a yacht? F this guy. Also I think we should take note of that tattoo count for later.
• Now that he's on the one-on-one date ... Bubble Throat is too good of a nick name. It's just so damn descriptive.
• "I turn around and there's a helicopter blowing on my face. I'm like 'Oh no. Are you serious?'" Yes, Bubble! Yes, we're serious!! It's the fracking Bachelorette! The franchise has averaged 1.78 helicopter rides per episode since the late 90s! You're more likely to go on a helicopter ride than get kicked off the show at this point in the season! Bah, I dislike him so much.
• ... and then he sang. Bubble serenade really might have been the most awkward moment in Bachelorette history. Are you with me, Harrison!?
• Cape Code Chris was right: unicorn love. So accurate.
• Even Frank is beating up on Rated Injured? What a weird universe this show depicts.
• Ali asks "So how is this different from your other relationships?" "Hmmmm, well I'm dating you competition-style against 8 or so other dudes, a date that doesn't involve a helicopter ride is considered "weird," we're alone in a museum at night running around with flash lights, oh and there's TV cameras and lighting everywhere ... what else what else what else? Oh yeah, and you're Ali."
• Bubble Serenade 2: Awkward Boogaloo. Ali actually scores some points with me with her face that says "I'm going to listen to you, but I'm going to try to telepathically tell you that this is horrible and I can hardly keep from forcefully stopping you."
• Onto the group date ... So these guys are tripping over each other running up stairs to get a part in the Lion King musical and the wrestler is the weird one? I don't understand. There is no understanding.
• Just when Bubble's serenades couldn't get any worse, this date actually demands that every dude sing to her. It's like the awkward olympics.
• Unflattering defined: Ali's ass in a Lion King wire work outfit.
• ABC doesn't even get the losers/winners (I'm fine with either description in this scenario) seats in the theater? They're watching it on closed circuit TV? What kind of low Lion King production is this? (Get it? Cuz I should have said 'low rent' but I said 'low Lion King?' Rent? Cuz that's a Broadway play too! HAHAHAHAHAHALOLOLOHAHAHAROFLROFL--not funny.)
• Let's really document history here, Harrison. Tiny Weatherman was just the victim of the first ever rejection to "Can I steal ____ away for a second?" I honestly can't remember such a thing occurring.
• Hey, Tiny Weatherman. What does it mean when Ali chooses Kirk to take her up her room and not you? It means we have a high pressure system moving in from the East and what it's gonna do is it's gonna push out all these gloomy skies we've been seeing right on outta here. And when I say "gloomy skies," I mean the guys on this show that are wound way too tight. And when I say "guys on the show wound too tight," I mean "guys on the show that are also weathermen." Get the hint, dude.
• Tiny Weatherman asks "Where's Bubble?" Anyone check to see if he's crutching his way up Mulholland drive? Call-back!
• Bubble getting a tattoo to make Ali open up to him is as good of an idea as a couple getting pregnant to "save the relationship."
• Hey Bubble, this is you and this is the edge. You're over it. (I spent C-Cubed's entire date working that up and I'm fine with that.)
• Dave wins the Josh Radin joke opportunity with this one: "How great would it be if it was Bare Naked Ladies again?"
• Fine. I'll say it. I'm gonna see Knight and Day ... and there's a very decent chance I'm going to like it a lot. Tom Cruise's insanity makes him better. Does no one else see this?
• Onto the cocktail party ... The open hate for Rated Injured remains impressive.
• "Those roses mean a lot to me. They carry a lot of weight." Really, Ali? Really?
• I tried. I really tried to find something hatable about Kirk. After serious deliberation, I think he might actually be a normal, decent dude.
• I'm serious. Who is this guy? Has he been on the show the whole time?
• Okay, seriously. This tattoo is the biggest mistake ever on this show, right? Imagine Bubble on date #1 with another girl down the line. She asks for the story behind the tattoo. There is no answer that gets him to date #2.
• Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, Frank makes fun of Bubble to his face and he thinks everyone loves the tattoo. GREAT times. Frank (!) is making fun of you, dude. Not good.
• "You're gonna be the tattooed Bachelorette guy for the rest of your life." Cape Cod Chris, everybody!
• The new guy (Chris N. apparently) couldn't even move or react. That's how insane this tattoo is. Worth replaying at home if it's still on your TiVo. PS Are we sure Chris N wasn't taken off the set of Days of Our Lives and inserted on the show mid season?
• Apparently sick Ali likes to show some skin. This is her most revealing dress to date, no?
• Ali's favorite candy is Sour Patch Kids? I have to admit. I didn't see that coming.
• Frank!!!!! What are you doing!!!??!?!?! (You all know what I'm talking about.)
• Holy crap, I just realized Ali's dress isn't a dress. It's some sort of weird back-less one-zee. Her weird cocktail outfit streak lives on!
• I'm still flabbergasted from Frank's interruption. She's not going to see the tattoo before handing out the roses. I am so rooting for Bubble getting a rose now.
• Days of Our Lives gets a rose and I honestly can't remember him interacting with Ali in any way ... or even talking for that matter.
• Inj is in again! (And pushes Tiny Weatherman one step closer to full on melt down.)
• This honestly might be the most I've ever been interested in a final rose.
• YES! This is so amazing! Amazing! She picked the guy with the heart guard tattoo!!! And she doesn't even know!!! Oh this is so great. I just exclaimed multiple times. Dave is a witness. I'm honestly sad that I didn't pause the DVR and tape my reaction. I've never wished for something Bachelor related so much ... all my dreams.
• Forecast for the Tiny Weatherman: partly teary with a 90% chance of self pity and depression.
• Okay, enough of you, Tiny. Let's get back to a season that just totally redeemed itself. Frank is my new hero. Bless you, Frank.
• Oh wait, Ali just said "I thought I'd put you guys on ice and take you to Iceland." Nevermind. Worst season ever.
• No one can say Iceland without me linking to the greatest thing Iceland has ever produced: Kristen Wiig's impression of Bjork.

Next week: the season that went from horrific to one of the best seasons ever in the course of 20 minutes sees if the impossible can become possible. In Ali's words ... "The only thing [Bubble] has to do is be normal." Good luck with that one, Ali!!!!

Amazing!

The Bachelorette Musings: Ali and Man Drama - Episode 3

By popular demand (aka Ando, Tim and Ella), here we are. I'm just gonna start with episode 3 as far as the blog goes.

Episode 1 - I watched with my family in Hawaii. It was fun to actually speak my snark aloud to people in the room for a change. I remember imagining how ridiculous filming all of Ali's lead in package footage must have been, skipping the Harrison/Ali sit down interview and thinking that was a great decision, the wrestler guy (aka Rated Injured) and being annoyed with how the wet driveway destroyed Ali's dress (just like it did Jillian's). But mostly I remember this:

I'm pretty sure Ali spent 50% of the episode holding hands with these dudes in this fashion. Also known as the most awkward way to carry on a conversation imagineable. This trend and her general mood of "freak out!" quickly let me know that the streak of me not liking the main player in a Bachelor/Bachelorette season is running strong.

Looking at this week's upcoming scenes, we seem to be in store for a helicopter ride (shocker), the most incredible sell out ever (by a band I never "got" and now certainly never will) and ... man drama. On that subject, I'm with Ando: "The man drama on The Bachelorette is out of control. And, frankly, a bit shameful. What happened to doing keg stands and eating dog food?"

Onto this week's episode and even more man drama!

• Craig R loves two things: helicopter rides (that he's not on) and deep Vs!
• The audio they pipe through these helicopter head sets is top notch. Kudos to the sound team at ABC. Can we get some more static in the monitors?
• Just when I couldn't hate the tight wire thing any more, Ali resumes the pose (see photo above).
• How many different confessionals did Ali do about this date? Judging from the outfits, I count 4 so far.
• I'm sorry, but I could never be as cheesy as Roberto. I'm out, casting director. I disqualify myself.
• I think as a society, we can stop qualifying the phrase "you surprised me" with "in a good way!" No one has ever said "you surprised me! ... in the most negative way you can possibly imagine."
• Onto the group date ... what's that, Ali? You've got a surprise for us? Is it in a good way? Is the surprise that there's no helicopter ride? Cuz that actually would be a little mind blowing.
• Hey Frank, shut up about the BNL song and its relevancy to the situation you're all in. Seriously do they get a bonus each time their BS comment from confessional makes it onto the show?
• My first chuckle of the episode comes courtesy Tiny Weatherman and his crazy high stress level regarding his role in the video. Big fan of this guy maintaining this freak out.
• Why do all these scenes have lines of dialogue? What kind of weird music video is this? Shouldn't the song be playing over the scene?
• Tiny Weatherman is crying? What the hell is going on with this season? Also, while we're here, worst music video ever, right? Has to be.
• Look I'm not saying I'm looking closely at this, but the cumulative body fat percentage of these dudes is like 17%, right? Cumulative. Here's my guess for the casting call for this season. Wanted: guys who work out constantly, love saying cliches into a camera and are highly suspicious of other dudes' "reasons"
• Onto the roof top ... if I haven't said it already, Tiny Weatherman bugs.
• Can I make a request? Can we have a clock in the lower right corner that shows how long each dude gives the other dude before he plays the "Can I steal Ali away?" card? How informative would that be?
• Roof top hot tubbing? I immediately miss Roslyn.
• Aw, Rated Injured ... no pool time for you. If you were really hard core, you'd bust that cast on the post and Super Fly Snuka into that pool.
• Confirmed. Worst music video ever. Thanks for removing any doubt.
• That security guard that told Rated Injured where Ali lives ... he got fired right? Can you just tell the cast members where she lives?
• Rated Injured just reeled off his second "at the end of the day" of the episode. Please just stop.
• Onto the home date ... no up front license plate on Ali's car ... I'm surprised Santa Monica police didn't drop her a ticket. (That one was for Carolla.)
• Thank goodness for Lakers/Celtics on TV #2 because this date is beyond awkward.
• Make it 3 "end of the day's" for Rated Injured.
• Just so I know ahead of time that I'm going to hell, can someone tell me if Kasey is/was deaf. Cuz if not, I'm calling him Bubble Throat.
• If you're a dude, here's a sign a date is going badly ... girl drops multiple thank you's, I appreciate it's, etc. She's saying that to help her feel better about rejecting you later.
• And I wrote that last bullet BEFORE Ali said "Thank you for being so great." Unreal, Ali. Honestly "Please leave my house now" would have been less embarrassing.
• Kirk says Rated Injured doesn't need to gloat? Incorrect. He's a wrestler. Gloating is literally a job requirement.
• Before it happens, I'll ask ... the dudes hate Rated Injured because they don't think he's in it for the right reasons, right? So how does his walk to Ali's house make them more angry about his intentions? Seems like that's the opposite of the Roslyn-type maneuvers he could be trying to pull which would certainly say "wrong reasons."
• Wipeout. Seriously. Wipeout.
• Back to Injured ... Why does he feel the need to keep his visit a secret? Is it entirely so he can smirk at the camera and make vague references to "one on one" time during convos with the other guys?
• Frank's gonna pop. He's this season's Michelle. He's this season's Hillary.
• Nothing lets people know you're getting pissed like saying "aboot." Probably also isn't helping Injured's wrestling career. (See note above regarding gloating.)
• Good call, Ty. It is like "Mr. Jekyll ... and Hyde." Might want to think those analogies out ahead of time, Ty.
• Direct quote from Ty: "This is my only question ... The person that I see every day walking around this house isn't the same person that she sees." GREAT question, Ty. I had never considered that question.
• Suddenly Injured is looking like this season's Vienna.
• I've already tired of typing "Rated." I look forward to when I shorten it to "Inj."
• I like that Frank looks like he's studying for The Bachelorette written exam at all times. Remember the most common multiple choice answer is C, Frank.
• Roberto: "Justin walked over to her house yesterday ... in crutches." Kasey: "How is that possible?" Did you miss the part about the crutches, Kasey? Not quite sure how else he would have walked over there.
• This whole scene is one of the oddest things ever. I'd like to repeat my argument. How exactly does walking miles on crutches make the dude less in it for Ali? And more importantly what are these chicks' -- er, dudes' deal? How about we stop gossiping and do a keg stand or play some XBox or write a blog about the Bachelorette? Ya know ... something that men actually do?
• Just noticed ... is Ali wearing a tan drape as a dress? Someone check the windows at Ali's house. I nominate Inj.
• Jesse's non-verbal response to Ali's comment about his "jean get up" ... maybe the moment of the season so far.
• Did Ali win a state championship in college? That is a giant f'ing ring.
• Tiny Weatherman is officially the worst. He and Frank should date.
• Booyah. Inj is in! Even though I'm weirded out by him crying alone by the pool, I'm pullin' for Inj.
• PS I understand that Wes paved the way to play the "intentions" card, but here's the difference. Ladies enjoy the Bachelorette. Ladies also enjoy country music. You know what ladies don't like? Entertainment wrestling. I really don't think Injured figured he was gonna score a bunch of fans on the Bachelorette and then they'd all switch over to TNA immediately after. I will say this though. He scored one. He scored one.

Next week, a bunch of dudes' odd obsession with a never-will-be wrestler spans the globe ... on The Bachelorette! And apparently Bubble Throat is a cutter? Weirdest season ever. You don't even need to say it, Harrison.