Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Bachelor Diaries: On The Wings of Drama, Episode 3

I'll admit to being pretty unexcited for this season before it started, but it's probably time to recognize. This biz has been pretty gd action packed and there doesn't seem to be any slowing down. Michelle continues her crazy spiral. Liz continues being a tease. And ABC keeps rolling out washed up celebrities.
  • Jake rolls out the bike again and the quarter of the way zipped up jacket. At least he let the girl wear jeans this time.
  • Thank the good Harrison, I was about to lose it if I wasn't treated to a helicopter ride soon. On the chopper blades of love! -- oh wait, wrong song.
  • Why don't the girls like Vienna again? Honestly I don't remember ... cuz she's 23? Cuz they love extreme sports and she doesn't?
  • Jake's panic mode pre-bungy is pretty awesome. Kinda reminds me of another pilot that sorta lost it in a pressure-filled situation.
  • Let's recap Vienna and Cougar's date. "There are no words to describe it." I've got one: boringbeyondwords.
  • So let me get this straight ... Michelle DOES want to get to know Jake? Or not? Is she just in a constant state of 68% of the way to crying?
  • Let's take a moment during this unending life draining date to ask the following. How many of these girls would say yes to a proposal from Jake right now? 80%? Higher? The way these girls audition for the show knowing so much about him, they already come in knowing what they need to know, right? Unless it turns out he's put on 50 pounds or became a monk with a vow of silence, these chicks are in, right?
  • Assuming the last bullet is true, it does kinda make sense that the last few groups of Bachelorettes are generally attractive and generally come with baggage, right? If you're a producer and you know all these girls are already ready to marry the dude, you're gonna cast with maximum drama in mind, no?
  • What just happened?Man I hope I didn't black out and wax poetic about the bachelor for 100+ words.
  • Did Cougar just include "Little Nicky" in Lovitz' list of credits? Wow. I take back what I said about him being washed up. I had no idea Little Nicky scored in the double digits on Rotten Tomatoes.
  • Okay, I'll ask again. Why do I assume everyone I see on reality TV is older than me by default? Is this just me? Every time they tell me that Ashleigh is 25 and that Gia is 26, I have to do a double take.
  • All jokes aside, this stand up comedy date is not funny at all. See what I did there? With the jokes aside? And the not funny at all? No? It was a play on words. Okay I'll stop.
  • Will she or will she not murder someone during this season? I put it at about 50/50.
  • Being the girl that tells the bachelor about the girl no one likes is like being the second guy in a fight in the NBA. You're the one that's gonna get penalized.
  • "I came here to ..." has officially overtaken "here for the right reasons" now that Roslyn's gone.
  • Do you know why Corey's stand-up about Vienna was funny? Because it was true. Thanks, Ali. I hadn't quite put it together yet.
  • "I believe you." Well said, Jake. Well said.
  • Bravo, Jake. You made Michelle's psycho spiral hit rock bottom. I wonder if she murdered the cab driver ... or possibly asked him to help get her mom some grandchildren? Again I think it's 50/50.
  • "I never imagined in a million years that we'd go on a helicopter ride," says Ella. I hate to disagree, but I did imagine, Ella. I did imagine it.
  • All jokes aside ... I have no jokes about the Ella date. Parenthood is serious, everyone.
  • I'll say 2 things about this cocktail party. 1) Despite all the drama, everything is still a lot more mellow now that Michelle's gone. The chances of someone getting cut are back to a normal level. And 2) one of the girls that I've never seen on this show is wearing a DRESS. Woah.
  • One thing that really helps keep expectations low on a kiss that may never come ... talking about it for flipping hours with everyone in earshot including the dude who just may be the recipient of said kiss ... maybe ... someday ... but probably not. I'd bring out that football again real quick, Liz.
  • Ladies, Jake, there's no way you don't know why I just emerged from the shadows to tell you. Last rose, etc. My job is extremely repetitive.
  • Apparently the dress' name was Valishia. Who knew?
  • Hhhhhhyyaaah. Awkward goodbye between Liz and Jake. At least you get to do your exit interview while freezing!
Next week: road trip! And Jake commits rose arson! Harrison might actually have to re-think his trademark line. Ladies, Jake, this is the final rose of the night ... that isn't going in the fire.


Jenny said...

Word on the street is the Ella date was originally planned for Rozlyn. But she "cheated" on the guy dating 20 women and her baby daddy wouldn't sign the release papers, so FLIPPO! Ella gets to go to Sea World.

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