Monday, February 22, 2010

The Bachelor Diaries: On The Wings of Roslyn's Infidelity

It is on. What is it, you ask? It. Harrison. Roslyn. Arms folded grudge match. Is on. It. Plus some more crying from Ali I'm sure.
  • Reliving Elizabeth's insanely awkward note reading ... coulda done without that.
  • Just in case you can't tell what's "live" and what's not, the super duper not live stuff is the stuff where they've turned up the contrast so much that you kind of have to squint and everything is blurry. The really not live stuff is at normal contrast ... oh and is all happening in the fracking studio with the audience. Bungie jumping. Two dudes on a couch. Top of Coit Tower. Live studio audience. I wouldn't know which was which without the contrast.
  • Oooooh, past season catch up when we get back. "You won't believe what happens when these people get together," says Harrison. Unless they combine forces to create the super large hadron collider, I'm probably gonna believe it.
  • Jesse! My boy! GNARRRRRRR, dude!
  • Nikki, I was so happy to have forgotten you.
  • Did Wes just say nipple? I ran it back 4 times and can't say for sure that he's saying nipple. He uses nipples to quantify his good times?
  • To recap ... nope. No super large hadron collider. Just drinking, flirting and making out.
  • Oops, wait apparently "with great success comes ..." the need to work with 5th graders and paint life guard stands. Not exactly as quotable as Uncle Ben, but I guess it works.
  • The Bachelor and someone named Mike Fleiss gave money to Ellen? Who's Mike Fleiss? Oh.
  • Harrison says "the most memorable women are here tonight." Which girls watching at home just started crying?
  • Ashley, I haven't forgotten about you.
  • Did Gia just say that Tenley shits rainbows? Where was this personality during the season, Gigi?
  • These stories about Roslyn are easily the most interesting stories from the whole season. The season has been that bad.
  • Pot shots Harrison has taken at Michelle tonight ... at least 5. Don't pick on the crazy ones, Harrison. They don't know you're making fun of them half the time.
  • All things considered, props to Michelle's crazy ass. She defended herself well against Harrison, Ali's "look at me" interruption and her own condemning footage.
  • How many more viewings before Jake double closing Ali's limo door is not funny? 100? 1,000?
  • What the hell is going on? Ali just apologized to Vienna and asked others to stick up for her.
  • Looks wise, I'll say it. I'm not mad at Ashleigh or Elizabeth.
  • Of all the cruel ironies, why did they reunite Roslyn with her steamy staffer during the walk through the back halls of the studio?
  • Harrison, we see that ring on your finger. No reason to try to score points with Roslyn.
  • "Son, isn't the simplest story the truth?" Yes. Yes it is, Dr. Phil.
  • How in the hell do they not have any footage of this?
  • I know what would settle this once and for all. Have her try on the glove!
  • How great would it be if Roslyn really was telling the truth and all the girls met late one night and formulated this conspiracy? At this point, that's my greatest hope for the outcome of this story.
  • "Back by popular demand, your bachelor, Jake!" You go to hell, Harrison. You go to hell and you die!
  • "When we were sitting on that bench, my heart was crying." I loathe this man.

  • Most unexpected tears of the night: Kathryn. No question. Did you WATCH the show? This guy sucks! What are you crying about?

  • I told you you blew it with Christina, Jake.
  • ANOTHER pot shot at Michelle. Chris is ruthless tonight.
  • For those scoring at home, it's 9:48pm and Steve just went upstairs and put himself to bed. Night, Steve.
  • These outtakes are tremendously tremendous. (USA! USA! USA!) Harrison's response to what he uses on his teeth is my fav. And Ashleigh's send off.
  • And someone get Corrie and Tenley their own show.
Next week on The Bachelor, we find out who's on the next DWTS!!! Oh and Jake picks between "sugar and spice." Which one's which exactly?

More importantly, the guy that watched Roslyn why she packed her bags and walked her to the studio tonight ... is named Paulie. And he's single!

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