Well another week has passed and I've all but forgotten where we are in the season, who's left on the show, etc. Harrison, help me out! Crap. Tivo malfunction during the first 5 minutes of the show. Guess I'll have to fill in the blanks with guesswork. They've all moved from their ridiculously luxurious place in Vegas to a ridiculously luxurious location somewhere else. Hot Mom is still angry at everything in the world except Brad. And Brad has transitioned from hoodies to vests to something else. How'd I do?
- Chantal seems to have landed herself a date.
- There are really still a lot of girls left on this show. Let's get to cutting, Brad. You're slipping.
- Oh boy. A helicopter ride. I can barely contain my excitement. Yay. Wee. Woo. Boring. Lame. Barf.
- Hot Mom just called someone ELSE egotistical ... and Emily NAILED the non-verbal reaction to said comment. Emily scores points even when she's not talking!
- Deep thoughts pre-zip-lining: "I wonder if the rain makes you go faster." Don't hurt your brain too early on the date, Brad.
- Chantal knows that Brad himself did not actually set up the picnic himself, right?
- Here's what I've learned today: Brad is unable to discern when it is raining or not. He's asked "IS it raining?" at least twice on this date alone.
- Also Chantal's blue top thingy to white button-up shirt outfit change ... was a downgrade, Brad. You're wrong, sir.
- Confessional time with Hot Mom reveals ... she is a make up wizard, but the wizard took the day off.
- Chantal says "this is by far the best rose." No shit, Chantal. Are you sure the rose on episode 1 or episode 2 wasn't better?
- Group date time! Do you think Brad double checked with the producers to ask if any of the ladies had husbands that died while repelling? After the last group date, I sure would have.
- Michelle actually has a legitimate point. They made a pact and that pact is now broken. Chances this has any effect whatsoever on Michelle's desire to possess Brad's soul: 0.0%
- My top 2 ladies are the 2 that go first and have a great time doing it. I'm proud of Shawntel and Britt ... and me ... for liking them.
- Bathing suit time causes Michelle to swear ... and do it in such a way that I have no idea what she said. I mean I have some idea, but she really could have telegraphed her swear better if she wanted us to know what she said.
- You know how you can be assured you're about to say something bitchy? By saying "I don't say this to be a bitch ... at all." Well played, Michelle.
- Oh boy. Time for some great TV: the bug freak out segment ... which they actually made awesome by transitioning it into Brad and Michelle's OoOT. That was pretty legitimately great. Someone get that editor a raise.
- BTW, OoOT means one on one time. And BTW means by the way.
- Time for Alli's boobs' date -- er, I mean Alli's date. Wow, Alli.
- Did Brad ride up with horses AND mini-horses? Did Rob Dyrdeck co-produce this episode?
- So ... Brad and Alli are NOT getting married during the 59th minute of the 6th episode of the season!? I'm sick of your wordplay, trickery and lies, Brad! You said altar! Altar!
- The Sports Gal says they weren't showing the girls' ages earlier in the season ... but they certainly are now. And Alli is 24 ... a fact which I don't think is helping her case with Brad at this exact moment.
- The no-rose OoOD. Oh it's awkward. It's awkward, it's awkward. Let's distract ourselves by figuring out what OoOD stands for. Crap I already know cuz I made it up.
- And just when it couldn't get any more awkward, Brad sends her off with "bye, okay?"
- Kudos to Michelle for not walking out of the house to watch the cab driver take Alli's suitcase away. Once he took the suitcase at all, I think we all knew what was going to happen.
- Yes! The Denver local news is just as bad as the Tucson local news! "At 10, how allergies can prevent certain kinds of cancer."
- So Michelle shows up at Swayze's room after Alli's date ... kinda like Rated Injured showed up at Ali's bachelorette house. Why haven't these rogue meet ups occurred more often?
- Risky play here, Michelle. Consciously talking shit about other ladies has not fared well for the shit talkers in the history of The Bachelor.
- Chantal's "Jane" outfit ... not working. Not at all. No.
- Brad brilliantly follows up "it is what it is" by saying "it just is what it is." I might need to update my previous post. And force Brad to read it at gun point.
- Sign a conversation is going very badly: when each sentence begins by saying the other person's name. Michelle, you sat there and listed out the women that were going to stay and were going to leave. Brad, you asked me to. Michelle, you've had better make up days. Brad, I'm going to force myself to cry now so it seems like I have a soul.Utah , get me two! (C'mon, it's been a while ... and it totally plays cuz she's actually from Utah! Bang.)
- Shawntel's "super hot" outfit ... working. Well. Yes.
- Shawntel's quiet game ... working even better. I'm legitimately smitten right now ... with both of them.
- Ooooooo except that kiss was a little gross ... BUT we have a full recovery with Brad's silent celebratory fist pump. Please tell me I'm not alone here in Smiletown. Smile. Town.
- Chantal, I appreciate your sleuthing skills, but you already have a rose. How about you just sit back and enjoy your evening of trying to look like a cheetah in Costa Rica.
- Let me paraphrase Harrion's pre-rose ceremony prep talk ... "it's going to suck even worse than normal for the one girl here that ends up going home tonight. Good luck, Ashley."
- Well I (and Harrison) got that one wrong. Ashley gets the first rose. Britt, dive for a rose now. Just take one!
- Woo hoo! Britt stays alive ... which means Jackie is gonzo.
- We all know Michelle gets the rose from last week's previews. How dumb do the producers think we are? Don't answer that.
- Jackie surprises everyone with an amazingly graceful exit. Huh. Tears and pity party kept to a minimum. Wild.
Next week we find out how to pronounce Anguilla ... cuz Brad sure doesn't know.
Bradley doesn't know.
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