Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Apparently, there are rules

Okay, so I think enough time has passed that I can post this without worry of the female in question perusing it and then going postal on me. What I'm going to present to you is an email from a female I spoke on the phone with a couple times and went on one (singular) date with. Let's start with the back story ...
  • We meet via Yahoo! Personals. I've been known to meet girls via the Internet from time to time. It's 2008.
  • We "break the ice" and then commence emailing via the Yahoo! Personals email service.
  • Eventually, we transition over to emails using our own actual email addresses. (Sadly, this is usually a big step in the world of online dating.)
  • Between Yahoo! and real email, we have nice a little exchange over the course of a couple weeks.
  • Then I get a little bit busy and end up not emailing her for 22 days (trust me, I did the math).
  • She responds to my belated email with a snarky response indicating she's not happy with how long I took to email her. Somehow though, I'm able to reconcile the situation and get this girl's phone number.
  • I then even somehow arrange an in-person meeting ... lunch, no big deal. This was on a Friday.
  • I thought lunch went fine. I didn't look back at it as my best effort, but then I got a text from the girl later that night saying something to the effect of "good times today."
  • I texted back saying "Call you next week."
  • "Next week" ended up being Thursday (6 days later if you're counting).
  • Come Monday, I hadn't heard from her so I dropped her an email echoing the sentiments of Thursday's call: "Hey, how's it going? Care to get together again for another date? etc."
  • A week later I get the email below.
  • My commentary in blue. Enjoy.
"Hi Luke

Sorry I just got this email. I don't check this account much anymore. Sorry I did not reply to your phone call. I just didn't see much point. When you didn't call me for over a week (6 days if you're into the whole accuracy thing) after not emailing me for over a month (again, 22 days if you really wanna split hairs), I decided that things probably wouldn't work out for us. Most guys make that call in 3-4 days max if they had a good time (for future reference) (noted) and the call is never made on a Friday or Saturday night (I called on Thursday ... again, accuracy is more important to some than others) if the plan is to go out on Friday or Saturday night. If you call at least 2 days in advance it is always greatly appreciated and much less offensive. (Always assume that she has plans on the weekend. (Strange change of tone coming up ...) I had a great time meeting you! I hope that you don't take offense to the constructive criticism. On first impression, I think that you are a really great, well-rounded, fun, and interesting person. (Uhhhhhh, bonus?) You shouldn't miss out on the right girl just because you may not have realized these unspoken rules. (Thanks for speaking the previously unspoken, I s'pose.)

Good luck finding Miss Right :) "

Pretty impressive, no? I mean, if you're looking to reject somebody, that's how you do it.
  • Step 1: Point out all their wrongdoings (while paying no attention to accuracy of timing, mind you).
  • Step 2: Offer "constructive criticism" in the form of steadfast rules that seemingly must be applied for success in dating of all things.
  • Step 3: Tell the dude how great he is and how much you like(d) him.
Good times all around. If I'm being pessimistic ... uh, really? I miss your "call window" by 2 days (6 days instead of the recommended 4) and that's it? Such a mistake indicates that there are certainly no good times that could possibly be found in the future?

If I'm being optimistic (which I am) ... Assuming I had somehow recovered from this email and efforted my way into conversing with this girl again, it's pretty great to think that I'd basically be the dog house coming into date #2. Can't imagine what rules would apply in that scenario. You think she'd drop the latest in "constructive criticism" before or after desert?


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4 comments:

GP said...

Wow—that was a pretty patronizing email. In fact, you should totally take a screen shot and send it to passive-aggressive notes.

Timish said...

She really took a lot of time to write that up. Not sure what it means though.

Jai said...

We, men, tend to put up with more "maintenance" as the bird in question rises on the hotness scale...what was her # mate?

heatmoon said...

Double wow, she sounds like a good time. I doubt she would be a high maintenance girlfriend or anything like that...