The Bachelor Diaries, London Calling, Week 2

First of all, care to barf a little bit? Check out Stacey on the radio here. Holy crap, it's super barf time as Johnjay, Rich and Carrie all fawn all over Stacey the Super Tramp. While we're here, copyright "super barf time" for me.

I should probably mention that this is a now recurring segment (renewed for a 2nd season!) where I watch the glory that is the ABC reality show The Bachelor and then record my snarky comments about the episode onto this here blog thingy. That's all there is to it. With that said ...

It's Week 2 and word has it we're going to Vegas. What happens in Vegas ... gets broadcast across the whole country! In prime time! Oh burn!

• The first date features 2 girls I completely didn't recognize, Pissed Earth, LeAnn Rimes and others.
• Drop those girls some wine right off the bat before you force them to walk the runway for you and only you. This Brit is a thinker.
• How much did these photogs get paid? And are they actually photogs? Or just random people with flashy cameras and no film?
• The children's book author can really moonwalk. Can she do any more MJ dance moves? Somebody put on "Billie Jean" and let's find out.
  
• Do we like his purple sweater? Do we?
• "Your aura's purple! ... It's purple!" Congrats, Pissed Earth. (That was a quote from 'Almost Famous' in case you missed it.)
• No no. Not a little chorus. Oh. Oh I'm cringing. LeAnn Rimes hates it. Awesome.
• Ugh. Ashlee telegraphs ... and it works. First impression rose? Really?
• Oh snap. Pissed Earth's aura is turning to red and she doesn't want to "speak on it" right now. It being Ashlee acting like the 22 year old that she is.
  
• "I like blackjack, but I think what I'm really gonna be gambling with is my heart." Carri, you're priceless.
• There are THREE 22 year olds on this show? They are buh-ringing it.
• 22-year old Robin is playing the "I'm horrible at gambling" pity card. Weird card.
• "Yyyyyezzr" from Kelly. She's got the crazy Stevie Nicks voice, right?
• Guaranteed sign that someone is drunk: "Hey, no." That sentence makes complete sense to a drunk person. And this is right after Kelly says she's cool, nice and can hold her alcohol.
• It's time for the 3rd 22-year old to get her 15 minutes. Aaaaaand congratulations to you, Shayne. You're the-girl-who-has-trouble-with-"the format" on the Bachelor, London Calling.
• "Not interested, so ..." and then he fake walks out on what's her face. It's no "I only wrestle pregnant women", but it's pretty good, Matt.
• At this point, I could handle 60 minutes of confessionals from Robin. How long can one person go while being on the verge of tears, but not actually crying? Also kudos on the legitimately cute moment from Robin's piano playing.
  
• Aaaaaaaaand a 2nd congratulations to Shayne again for being the-girl-who-goes-and-cries-in-the-bathroom-in-the-first-2-episodes.
• MORE singers!? WTF! Church Marketing can belt it. And she makes crazy faces when she does it.
• I love that Erin H. is the resident singer-hater. Guess that ring on the left hand ring finger isn't workin' out for you any more, eh, Erin? Yeah, I remembered.
  
• Amanda the chronic hiccuper is from a town called Niceville? Well, I guess her nickname is all wrapped up.
• There's FOUR 22 year olds on this show? The nanny who's had ZERO camera time whatsoever too? I'm pickin' up a trend here, Matt.
• So do you think that Chris has actually realized that Hillary's rose ceremony really was the most dramatic rose ceremony ever and so he can't say it any more?
• Aw, "the meeps" during the rose ceremony. So sad, Niceville.
• Kelly/Stevie Nicks has really gone down hill this episode for me. But not for Matt apparently.
• It's crazy how many girls have had almost no face time and we're two episodes in. I have no idea how/why he's making some of these picks.
• How much does Erin H. hate getting the boot with Church Marketing the opera singer? While we're here though, crazy graceful exit. Nice work, Erin.
• Uh oh, the redhead girl is a cat girl. That pretty much explains that.
  

Well, "if I'm being honest", this episode kinda blew. But it looks like next week involves rugby. 'Nuff said.

P.S. Chelsea's tongue trick is not cool. I don't care what you say.