Laura Harring

So my buddy Ryan and I were discussing the premiere of The Shield Season 6 last night and the subject of Mackey's attorney came up ... Laura Harring:

If you're a guy reading this and you've seen the movie Mulholland Dr., you immediately know who this woman is. As amazing as her Mulholland Dr., uh, performance is, what's more amazing is the "Trivia" portion of her IMDB page.

Let's have a ganders:

Miss USA 1985

Great start. Truly a fun fact.

She was married to Count Carl Edward Von Bismark ...

The comedy begins. In the words of Ando ... "Count Carl Edward Von Bismark -- I mean, that's a joke, right?"

... and although they divorced, she still retains the title of countess.

So how does that affect her Miss USA title? Countess USA 1985? Also "still retains"? Do you just write a memo letting everyone know? Or do you have to appear before some board that determines who gets Count and Countess titles? Who decides on these titles? Dukes? Lords? This fun fact is like an episode of LOST - many more questions than answers.

Prior to entering show business, Laura thought about becoming a gemologist.

Honestly, IMDB, who the f hasn't thought about becoming a gemologist? Really sub-par trivia. Get it together, IMDB.

Professional Tango dancer and Social Worker in India at 18 years old

Good rebound. Laura clearly has skills. Social working skills. Leads perfectly into this ...

Was shot in the head at the age of twelve while riding in her parents car in a parking lot when the two cars behind them got into a gunfight. The bullet missed hitting her brain by one millimeter.

WHAT!? ... !!!! ... That's the craziest fun fact ever. How in the great world of the Interwebbing was this the 9th fun fact!? She was shot. Shot in the head. With a bullet! ONE MILLIMETER!

What's crazier than this fact, though, is the fact that IMDB then follows up with these two facts:

Measurements: 33-23-34, Wears a size 7.5 shoe

!!!!

You follow "shot in the head and lived" with shoe size!?

I think what we've learned is that despite this being the Internet Movie Database, IMDB is the worst story teller ever. Can you imagine IMDB telling this story at a party?

"... and then she was shot in the head and lived because the bullet was a millimeter off ..."

[Crowd is completely gripped - hanging on IMDB's every word]

"... and THEN! and THEN! ... Wait for it ... Oh man, you guys aren't going to believe it ... she wears a size SEVEN AND HALF SHOE! ... "

[Crickets]

"... I mean, that's CRAZY times, right!?"

Climax, IMDB. Look it up.