happily pissing off strangers

so i play fantasy football. if you don't know, ask me some time. anyway, i play in free leagues against total strangers on yahoo just for kicks. and in those stranger leagues, you can do live drafts that involve chat. so in one of my leagues, my team name was "bruce dickinson" name after a character played by christopher walken in the ridiculously funny cowbell sketch.

anyway, during the live draft, this retard going with the uber-geek team name of SkyforceXXXIX announces "get ready for this sleeper" using the chat and then selects joey harrington. if you don't realize how retarded this is, let me just tell you that choosing joey harrington (a quarterback who starts on a highly offensive team) is the furthest thing from a sleeper. this is equivalent to me walking into a meeting at rolling stone magazine and announcing "you guys have to listen to this band ... they're kinda old, but they're awesome ... the BEATLES! really, check 'em out they're AWESOME!" okay, maybe that's hyperbole, but it's close.

so i make no secret of how idiotic this kid is and how harrington was in no way a sleeper pick. the kid gets more and more flustered and eventually resorts to "just play your team, ok?" of course, at this point, i love that i'm getting to this kid and respond with "no thanks, i'll play yours."

anyway, once the season starts, you can post messages that can be viewed by the whole league. here's a log of the crap-talking that went on in this league filled with people that have never nor will ever see each other in their life:

1. after KILLING skyforce in our first head to head match up.
skyforce?!
by: Bruce Dickinson (lukejohnson33) Sep 12 4:35pm
skyforce,

say it ain't so. i DID NOT just put up 102 on you. i refuse to believe ... with all your awesome sleepers, how could i have done it?

2. response from skyforce
Bruce
by: SkyforceXXXIX (packerholic_4) Sep 13 11:58am
You had an abnormal week and you're rubbing it in my face. I didn't claim to know all about football. I just reported what I read in FF magazines. If you look at my team, you'll see if I had played Brady and Dunn instead, it would have been a lot closer. Who could have predicted McCalister would only rush for 50 some yards and the Chief offense would lay an egg against Denver.

The first week is always a toss-up. What matters is the end of the season. It looks to me that all you proved this week is that you're a bad winner. Despite your mouth, I still hope to have fun this season and I still wish everyone best of luck... even you.

3. my response to skyforce's response
skyforce for president
by: Bruce Dickinson (lukejohnson33) Sep 13 7:34pm
if y'all didn't read skyforce's last post ... it is epic. i nearly cried.

4. skyforce's response to my response to skyforce's response
Bruce for Jim Rome impersonator
by: SkyforceXXXIX (packerholic_4) Sep 17 2:17pm
I take it by your lame response that I hit a nerve.
"It was a phenomenal response. Epic!! I'm out. Rack-um."

5. random post by me after being undefeated 6 games into the season
...
by: Bruce Dickinson (lukejohnson33) Sep 28 8:40am
...

really, with my record, do i even need to say anything?

6. other people start jumping on the "we hate bruce" bandwagon. this message was posted after i beat another team in the league to stay undefeated.
Good Grief!!
by: Dickie's Boys (dickiepoo22000) Oct 4 6:54am
Two players with goose eggs and a kicker with only an extra point... merry xmas Mr. Dickinson!

notice that they actually seem to think my name is bruce dickinson. "i gotta get more cowbell on that track."

7. my response to dickie's boys:
griefy
by: Bruce Dickinson (lukejohnson33) Oct 4 8:05am
uuuuum ... booyah?

8. another person laments not being able to beat me:
Geez
by: Flint Cheeky Monkeys (plaguebearer666) Nov 1 5:37pm
It would have been nice if my team would have shown up for the game.

9. my response to the flinty cheeky monkeys. probably the one i'm most proud of:
flinty
by: Bruce Dickinson (lukejohnson33) Nov 5 9:19am
i think it is necessary to change your name from flinty cheesy monkeys to "i only scored 14 points in week 8"

10. and the finishing piece ... totally un-provoked crap talking from a team called the buzzkillers. i really had the whole league on tilt.
DOWN TO "BRUCE DICK"!
by: Buzzkillers (msfrey1974) Dec 13 2:24pm
GOOD LUCK TO WHOEVER PLAYS BRUCE THE SH@# TALKER. PENDING ALL MY INJURIES YOUR LUCKY I DID NOT MAKE IT TO THE PLAYOFFS BUD. REMEMBER I STOMPED YOU WHEN WE PLAYED LAST. I FEEL YOU WILL LOSE AND I WILL LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT. THERE IS NOTHING LIKE WATCHING SHI# TALKERS GO DOWN!!!

sadly at this point i was not paying any attention to the league or else i really would have laid into this one. i just discovered this post today after the league had ended. after all was said, 15 out of 19 public messages were about me or me talking $hi#. i ended up taking third due to complete neglect. the season was obviously a W for me though considering how many of these kids i had put on tilt strictly through draft chat and message boards.

"i've got a fever and the only prescription is putting more random strangers on tilt over absolutely nothing."