The Bachelor Diaries: Big Swayze Actually Picks a Girl

I can't remember a more polarizing final pair of contestants. I still really can't figure out what Brad sees in Chantel. Let's find out who he freaks out about less. It better be Emily.

South Africa photographs well.
Brad's crying. Was it The Chad? The Chad. The Chad.
Brad standing next to Chad is a weird experiment in working out and not working out. It's like if P90x before and after photos could hug each other.
I really wanted Brad to introduce Chantel as Chantel O.
Chantel "just knew" when she first saw Brad? Was this before or after slapping him in the face?
Wes is the younger brother? He doesn't look it or sound it at all.
Chantel: "I do honestly feel in my heart of hearts that at the end of the day Brad and I will be together." Uuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh.
I get why Emily's history has come up so often, but she's not the only one that used to have a husband. Why does Chantel's history come up so little?
The Chad: "Emily is poised. She is extremely poised."
Emily is clearly winning the meet-the-family round. I don't think I remember such a one-sided opinion at this stage of the last episode.
Shark swimming time. I wonder if Chantel thinks sharks are afraid of cleavage.
Spoiler alert! The sharks kill no one. Especially Chantel.
Is Chantel a cartographer? That is a really good looking map.
Chantel just did 2 things. 1) She said "I choose you." 2) She cheered her own love letter. Allow me to retort. 1) No shit you choose Brad. He is THE Bachelor. There is no one else to choose. 2) Booooooooooooooooooo!
Hey Brad, FYI I'd be fine with you never calling Chantel "Channy" again.
Oh thank God. 70 minutes in and we hadn't had a helicopter ride. I was starting to twitch.
F you, Dr. Scholls!
Emily wins. What a cutie pie.
Oh no. She's grilling Brad about Riki. Not good. Even with her cute face.
Defeated. Huh. Well that went ... not goodly.
It's time the curtain opening / leaning on balcony / staring longingly into the ocean / walk across the hotel property montage.
Crap. He's picking Chantel, isn't he?
If "amazing" means "gaudy", then yes that ring is amazing, Brad.
Chantel holds the dress on the hanger in front of her body. Good call, Chantel. Wouldn't want to just put that dress on willy nilly. PS there's a peacock on your right shoulder.
How will they play it this year? Chantel is first out of the limo, but there's no telling what that means.
He's starting his Chantel speech on the positive tip ... usually not good for ending on the positive tip.
He skips "... but" and goes for "... and here's where it gets tough." Ouch. I might actually feel bad for Chantel right now.
Lesson learned, ladies: don't give it up in an open air bedroom in the middle of a South African safari.
14 year age difference between these love birds. Wild.
I think Big Swayze just pulled the same tie adjustment move with Emily as he did on the last final rose ceremony with Newnan and what's her face. Odd.
Well done, you two. You steered through a lot of crazy chicks and drama to get here.