Thursday, January 24, 2008

Rose by any other name?

So it's Thursday and Thursday is the day that the Johnjay and Rich radio program does their segment called War of the Roses. Listen to some of the glory by clicking here. I highly recommend it. (I actually highly-er recommend their other segment called 2nd Date Update which you can catch by clicking here. It's better cuz it's less sinister and there's more of a wild card element to it.)

But I don't write in order to discuss the genius and unending entertainment of these two segments. That's self explanatory. I write to point out the idiocy of a certain part of the War of the Roses ruse.

So Roses works like this:
  1. Girl (sometimes it's a dude, but that's like 1 in a million) calls Johnjay and Rich saying that she suspects her dude (sig. other of some kind) of cheating on her.
  2. Carrie (Johnjay and Rich's female counterpart) impersonates a florist, calls the dude (suspected cheater) and offers the dude free roses that can be delivered to anyone anywhere.
  3. Dude (more often than not) does not send the flowers to the girl-caller and instead sends them to whomever he's cheating with.
  4. Girl caller breaks into the call and freaks out.
  5. Awkwardness and intrigue ensue.
My beef comes in on step #2. Clearly this step is the crux of the whole gig. This is the scam that reveals the cheating dude as a cheater. It's basically entrapment. And I think it's pretty clear that the dude has no chance of sniffing out what's being pulled on him. Think about it. He's minding his business, just another Thursday morning and he gets a call saying he won free flowers. What guy says no to that? He gets to score major points with his wife, girlfriend or mistress (depending on how he feels that day) and he didn't even have to do anything. Granted he usually asks "what's the catch?" (worried about committing to some flower of the month subscription or something), but he never ever suspects that Carrie (the girl impersonating the florist) is actually NOT a florist. The dudes fall for the scam every time. And they've been doing it for years.

And yet every week Johnjay, Rich and Carrie spend about 30 seconds figuring out what Carrie's fake florist name should be. And sometimes she actually changes her fake name just before the call. Here's one example.
  • Rich: "Carrie, who you gonna be this time?"
  • Carrie: "I was thinking Victoria, but I think I've already been Victoria." (on a previous segment of Roses)
  • Rich: "Okay, let's go with Debra, then."
  • Carrie: "Okay, I'm Debra."
Huh? What's the the thought process here? Are they worried that the cheater dude will get a call from a florist named Victoria, then think back to a previous segment of Roses and THEN realize he's getting scammed!? "Sure, I'd love some free roses! ... Wait a minute ... florist named Victoria? Where have I heard that name before? Wait. Oh my God, this is War of the Roses, isn't it!? Ha HAAAA, you bitches can't fool me! Shoulda gone with a name you hadn't used in a previous segment of Roses, morons! This is the worst ruse ever!"

No. It will not go like that because anyone who has heard the segment before will realize they're getting offered free flowers on a Thursday morning (the segment is always on Thursday morning) and that'll be that. The gig is up. Anyone who HASN'T heard the segment before is gonna get duped whether your name is Victoria, Debra or Sharonda-Jennie-Lee.

Just to drive this point home, let me give you another example which happened on today's Roses:
  • Rich: "Who you gonna be, Carrie?"
  • Carrie: "I was thinking Brandy, but then I thought that sounds too much like Bridget." (In this segment of Roses, the caller girl was named Bridget.)
  • Rich: "Okay, how about Helen then?"
  • Carrie: "Okay, I'm Helen."
Again think of the insanity of the situation Rich and Carrie seem to be imagining. They're calling a guy and offering him 100% free flowers totally out of the blue, but they're not worried about that being what gives them away. What they're worried about is the cheater dude doing the following: "Free roses, huh? And I don't have to give you my credit card or anything? Totally free, right? Okay, I'm in. Wait, what's your name again? Brandy? Hmmm, Brandy. Br-Br-Br-Brandy. Br-Br-Br- ... Brrrridget!! Oh my God! You know my girlfriend, Bridget, don't you!? Ha HAAAAA!! You're not a florist! You're a radio program that Bridget hired to try to entrap me!! Well, F you cuz I sniffed you out! Shoulda gone with a name that was more phonetically different than that of my girlfriend, morons! This is the worst ruse ever!"

I hope you get the point.

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