fortunes

ok, i'm totally stealing this from some comic i saw one time, but it's worth repeating.

i just got a fortune that said "you will bring sunshine into someone's life". wow. really? nostradamus would be proud at how specific and grand your predictions are, oh seer-like fortune cookie.

don't you think it'd be more fun to create fortunes that don't apply to 99.9% of america, but really freak out like 100 people? for example, "steve, you know that guy jeff from accounting? he's got that mustache and he's always talking to everyone about his boat. he's after your job and he's going to sabotage your powerpoint presentation!"

more apprentice quotes

"This is about business and my business is business."
-Audrey the "breakdown" girl

"It's miniature golf. I know the rules of the game and it's something I have a background in."
-Stephanie the miniature golf project manager

"Those of us that walk away winning win more than just a loss."
-Audrey again after getting fired

if you're not watching, you're missing out, people.

i might be crazy

at the risk of looking like some kind of misguided groupie, i thought i'd try to list out my own personal concert count:

mayer - 16 - 3 in l.a., 2 in tucson, vegas, 7 in the midwest, 3 in phx
guster - 15 - 3 in the northeast, 4 in phx, 4 in the midwest, cinci, l.a., sd, tucson
martin sexton - 6 - 4 in the midwest, 2 in phx
mccain - 7 - 6 in phx, 1 in utah
dashboard - 5 - 4 in phx, 1 in utah
jars of clay - 4 - 2 in phx, 1 in tucson, valencia
maroon 5 - 6 - 3 in the midwest, 2 in phx, 1 in tucson
rockwell church - 3 - philly, san fran, pamona
james taylor - 2 - utah, tucson
pat mcgee band - 2 - phx, phx
blink-182 - 0 - 3 would-be attended concerts cancelled by the band
howie day - 2 - philly, phx
sister hazel - 2 - phx, tucson
counting crows - 2 - l.a., phx
glen phillips - 2 in tucson

1 timers
the hot hot heat
the killers
sting
damien rice
pearl jam
the format
mraz
5 for fighting
scott huckabay
strokes
u2
vertical horizon
boyz II men (hell, yeah!)
hammer
everclear (you heard me)
ben kweller
tina turner
melissa etheridge (tix were free, gimme a break)
amy grant
cindy lauper (opened for tina)
burlap to cashmere
david wilcox
joan osborne
third eye blind
goo goo dolls
b-52s
pete droge and the sinners
matt nathanson
rage against the machine
reel big fish
teitur
treehouse
the badlees
will hoge

local news

a blurb i overhead advertising for the 6 o'clock news:

"A streaker on the loose in Scottsdale. Tune in and hear his description."

Ummmmmm, the guy who's showing his penis? maybe? i think i'll skip the news.

chris from the apprentice strikes again

so we've learned something else about chris besides the fact that he refurbishes homes for a living.

"Sir, I am NOT a homosexual."
-Chris from The Apprentice, once again spoken in the boardroom

the monologue

think about the title of this post

hey, host of the family feud, if i'm ever on that show and the other family has 2 strikes, and you tell me "johnson family, be ready to steal", i'm going to stab you. we're ready to steal.

if you're on the price is right and you're bidding to get up on the stage and someone bids X dollars ahead of you, DON'T bid X-25 dollars. i'm begging.

i think if everyone told the truth all the time on tv shows or movies, the average tv episode would be about 5 minutes long and the average movie 15 minutes.

battle

i'm not crazy about cats, but this picture really deserves a couple of looks.