Wednesday, May 4, 2005

marketers hate me

so i discovered this absolute gem of a candy last night: twizzlerz twerpz.

upon eating some and realizing i really like them, i instantly considered going to walgreen's and buying them out. why? because just about every consumer product i like ends up getting canceled.

the list:

  • purple-saurus rex kool aid ... the best kool aid flavor ever

  • regular grape gatorade ... replaced with the whole gatorade ice or whatever crap that was/is

  • the philly cheese steak from jack in the box ... i used to sustain on these things in high school ... until they were canceled for no reason

  • penne arabiatta at olive garden ... i still get it, but i have to go "off menu" to do so

  • twizzlerz goo-filled licorice ... i don't remember the exact name of this product, but it was basically twizzlerz twerpz but not in bite size pieces

  • parmasan oregano bread at subway ... later on

the list is not limited to food items:

  • undeclared ... great show on fox, canceled

  • the family guy ... i realize it just came back and you're probably saying i should be grateful to fox for bringing it back. i'm not. let's just say i'm glad to find the execs at fox are only mostly stupid and not absolutely stupid

  • freaks and geeks ... great show on nbc where my high school classmate busy phillips made her breakout performance ... gone

  • ed ... maybe my favorite show ever and i was lucky to get 4 seasons out of it according to the ratings ... thank god for tbs and their re-running the entire series right now ... it's tv utopia!

  • the mole ... not that crap show celebrity mole, just the mole with anderson cooper as the host. anderson cooper is the jeff probst to ahmad rashad's chris harrison. it should also be mentioned that the two dudes that formed a secret alliance and went all the way to the final 2 of this show in its very first season may be the smartest reality contestants ever. like richard hatch, they figured "the game" out instantly and executed while everyone else was just sucking their reality thumbs.

  • i don't even know the name of it, but it was this dating reality show on fox where a chick was wooed by a group of dudes, but some of the dudes were gay. if a gay guy ended up fooling her and she chose him to be her man at the end of the show, he got $100gerr or something. otherwise, if she fully used her gaydar and picked a straight guy. she would then get to choose between him and cash. i was totally into it. but this one didn't even make it to the end of the first season. show just disappeared like f'ing keyser soze. thanks a million, fox.

so the moral of the story is ... if you find out you like any current product or tv show that i do, you better get your fill cuz it'll be gone soon


Jessica Chobot said...

Hi there!
Thanks for the link to your blog-I've enjoyed reading your blog-good stuff.
(and don't worry-you're not an abnoxious navel-gazer ;)
Hope to see you around IGN Insider!
Jessica Chobot

Anonymous said...

I did buy out all my local (Palm Desert, Cali) Target of all their Twerpz twice (like 20 bags twice) I loved them and ate a 10 oz bag almost every day. I've spent all a.m. looking to buy them online (thats how I ran across your blog) but they mostly have boxes of 24 just of the little bags (just a tease) Anyway I have another discontinued thing I bet you liked, how 'bout that sour grape, dark purple Mountain Dew? I even broke my diet soda only rule for that shit!!!
Tanya (you can check me out on myspace as Put It On Ya Tanya or my Yahoo360 page as Tatiana M or email/im