funny pics

i wanted to see all these next to each other

thomas jackson cruise

i don't want to have one of those blogs that just points to other blogs, but these photos from cruise's recent appearance on oprah just need to be seen.

enjoy

seinfeld

so i saw seinfeld do stand up at the tucson music hall last night. yeah, i didn't know jerry would come to tucson either. anyway, a couple things about the show.

what is with the laugh clap? goes like this:

comedian: joke1
audience: laugh
comedian: joke2
audience: laugh
comedian: joke3 that refers to joke1
audience: laugh that is then followed by clapping

do we clap because we think the comedian just conquered a short term memory problem? because we loooove it when comedy is combined with history? or maybe because we forgot that joke and are just overjoyed at the idea that the comedian helped us remember? i really don't get it.

also, did you know that comedians do encores? because i didn't. dude told a bunch of jokes, left, we clapped, he came back out and told some more jokes. did everyone know he had more material? were they all saying "he's totally coming back, he hasn't done 'the difference between great and sucks' joke yet"?

yes, i apparently quote myself

i am proud of my ability to make my bro, ando laugh via instant messaging. hence i am posting the following. judge me if you will.

[16:23] LtotheJizay33: so "u don't have to call by usher" -- f'ing yes, "what's my name" by dmx right after, f'ing double f'ing fuck yes
[16:23] andousc: LOL
[16:24] LtotheJizay33: seriously, i want to like beat the shit out of all my clients right now
[16:24] LtotheJizay33: and i'm really happy about it, it's great
[16:24] andousc: LOL
[16:24] LtotheJizay33: if someone called right now, i'd have a hard time not just trying to intimidate the shit out of them
[16:24] andousc: "WHAAAAT?!"
[16:25] LtotheJizay33: C'MON!
[16:26] andousc: so what are your general impressions of the new phantom planet disc?
[16:27] LtotheJizay33: growing on me heavily
[16:27] LtotheJizay33: take that and that and that and that
[16:27] LtotheJizay33: good times
[16:27] andousc: yeah even first listen i'm like, hey not bad
[16:27] andousc: yeah big brat...G D
[16:28] LtotheJizay33: seriously, quote me on my quote about dmx
[16:28] LtotheJizay33: that is classic luke shit right there
[16:28] andousc: serious laughing over here in LBC

boggled

i came across this picture on espn.com. take a look and then come back and we'll discuss.

first thing: 10 year olds run triathlons? they're 10. i could barely run a mile when i was 10.

second thing: that kid (#11) is buffer than me and judging by the look on his face, he could beat the crap out of me too.

third thing: is the girl in the red swimsuit (#31) break dancing? seizing up? she surely can't be running. can she? i mean she's basically a straight line. does the straight line position fit in with her running stride? if so i gotta see this girl run. correction, i have to see this 10 year old female triathlete run.

fourth thing: i think the blond kid brining up the rear could kick my ass too.

marketers hate me

so i discovered this absolute gem of a candy last night: twizzlerz twerpz.

upon eating some and realizing i really like them, i instantly considered going to walgreen's and buying them out. why? because just about every consumer product i like ends up getting canceled.

the list:

• purple-saurus rex kool aid ... the best kool aid flavor ever


• regular grape gatorade ... replaced with the whole gatorade ice or whatever crap that was/is


• the philly cheese steak from jack in the box ... i used to sustain on these things in high school ... until they were canceled for no reason


• penne arabiatta at olive garden ... i still get it, but i have to go "off menu" to do so


• twizzlerz goo-filled licorice ... i don't remember the exact name of this product, but it was basically twizzlerz twerpz but not in bite size pieces


• parmasan oregano bread at subway ... later on

the list is not limited to food items:

• undeclared ... great show on fox, canceled
  


• the family guy ... i realize it just came back and you're probably saying i should be grateful to fox for bringing it back. i'm not. let's just say i'm glad to find the execs at fox are only mostly stupid and not absolutely stupid


• freaks and geeks ... great show on nbc where my high school classmate busy phillips made her breakout performance ... gone


• ed ... maybe my favorite show ever and i was lucky to get 4 seasons out of it according to the ratings ... thank god for tbs and their re-running the entire series right now ... it's tv utopia!


• the mole ... not that crap show celebrity mole, just the mole with anderson cooper as the host. anderson cooper is the jeff probst to ahmad rashad's chris harrison. it should also be mentioned that the two dudes that formed a secret alliance and went all the way to the final 2 of this show in its very first season may be the smartest reality contestants ever. like richard hatch, they figured "the game" out instantly and executed while everyone else was just sucking their reality thumbs.


• i don't even know the name of it, but it was this dating reality show on fox where a chick was wooed by a group of dudes, but some of the dudes were gay. if a gay guy ended up fooling her and she chose him to be her man at the end of the show, he got $100gerr or something. otherwise, if she fully used her gaydar and picked a straight guy. she would then get to choose between him and cash. i was totally into it. but this one didn't even make it to the end of the first season. show just disappeared like f'ing keyser soze. thanks a million, fox.

so the moral of the story is ... if you find out you like any current product or tv show that i do, you better get your fill cuz it'll be gone soon