The Bachelor Diaries, Episode 6

Home town dates on The Bachelor with Big Swayze. The preview suggests a full on demise for Sheena and Bettina thanks to the fam-damily. "The little hand says it's time to rock 'n' roll." (Likely the first of many 'Point Break' quotes. You've been warned.)

• Jenni from Phoenix is really from Wichita.
• "Thanks for inviting me here," says Brad. Dude, enough with pretending like the show isn't formatted.
  
• Ho. Leecrap. Jenni is too much. "I have something funny for you." [Classic over laugh at absolutely f'ing nothing.] She's making me make this face.
  
• So they're eating at the salon because Jenni's mom's house is too small? Apparently eating at an f'ing salon is more comfortable than eating at a small home.
  
• Grandma Betty. Did the producers plant her? And is Jenni the apple that fell really far from the tree in a good way? She doesn't live in Wichita, she doesn't work at a salon and she doesn't look like her family at all. Am I wrong if I think these are all good differences?
  
• There's a couch and an outdoor patio at this salon? I'm so confused.
• Sheena lives here where they've got tract housing and a tram of some kind. And that's about it outside of the tradition of being made to feel at home via a good ol' fashioned tube ride! Walnut Creek is crazy times!
  
• Kudos to Ando for finding this piece of Sheena's past.
• Here comes the "Sheena's mom is crazy" montage. Tell me she's at least a little drunk.
  She's got me making this face.
• As could be easily seen in the preview, Sheena is dunzo. Not even a kiss in the jacuzzi. "Adios, amigo!"
• Ah, DeAnna Popolopodopopoulous Newnan, welcome to Georgia/Rome depending on how you feel that day.
• Worth noting: Brad says "off-ten", not "off-en" when he says "often". This is how boring the Newnan family stuff is.
• New Bachelor tactic as far as I know: Newnan holds a good 70% of her photo album photos hostage until Brad marries her. I appreciate the effort, Newnan. I really do.
  
• I think DeAnna just said "Ya Ya" and "Poo Poo" referring to her grandparents. Oh wait, it's "Pa Poo". Let's party, indeed, Pa Poo.
• Here we go, Bettina's crazy dad is gonna liven up this episode which I'm pretty sure has been 70% lame, 20% weird and 10% crazy (thanks, Sheena's mom).
  
• Dad's haircut puts him one step away from emo, right?
• Palpable: adjective | able to be touched or felt. Holy crap, this is brutal. Here are some of the choice quotes:
• "That's a great disappointment. [Maniacal laughter]" -Dad
• "Do I like the idea of my step-daughter being hooked up with a guy that runs a bunch of bars? No." -Step Mom
• "Her first husband was a wonderful wonderful man and she'll never find anybody better. Love is blind." -Dad (Side note: huh? First husband being great relates to love being blind how?)
• "You cannot screw around with people's hearts." -Step Mom
• "If you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It's not tragic to die doing what you love." -Bodhi from Point Break (Just making sure you're still paying attention.)
  
• When the dog barked, I really thought one of the moms had tourettes.
  
• Can we address this bar owner thing? What is the problem here? He started, owns and runs 4 bars. 4! Not 1 or 2 or 3. Are they worried that people are gonna up and stop drinking in f'ing Austin, Texas? The money is gonna be coming in for a long time. Do they morally object to the sale of alcohol? Relax, Jeez.
  
• Sheena is just as done as Kristy from the last episode. Maybe more so.
• Seriously! Brad's suit is horrible! You cannot convince me otherwise.
  
• I just yelled out loud. He chooses Bettina over Sheena. I guess he went with general dislike and disapproval over totally crazy as far as parents are concerned.
• Sheena, here's the thing. I see you crying, but I really don't think you liked him. I think the show made you like him. You'll be fine. After all, you're "the one".

Overnight dates next week. I'm putting the over/under on Brad sealing the deal at 1.5. I think a dude who runs 4 bars knows how to close. Get it!? Close? It's a play on words. Ooooo kay.